


Skisméno

by Marish_06



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Drama & Romance, F/M, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 09:40:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 42,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21967288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marish_06/pseuds/Marish_06
Summary: Torn
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Elliot Stabler
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	1. The Morning After

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas!

Chapter 1-The Morning After

Elliot opens his eyes and takes in his unfamiliar surroundings in the pale morning light. The sun is just beginning to peak over the horizon, announcing the start to a brand-new day. He sits up slowly and the world swirls around him. “Shit,” he grumbles as he rubs the sleep from his eyes. His head is pounding. He continues to look around, trying to figure where he could possibly be. He spots the naked back of an unknown figure, the smell of her still intoxicating his senses. His breath hitches and his heart pounds in his chest. The long dark brown hair mixed with streaks of blonde. The olive toned skin. Even without seeing her face he’d recognize her anywhere. 

“Olivia.” 

He breathes her name like a curse. 

He looks back at himself. His shirt is missing. He closes his eyes and says a silent prayer as he pushes away the white down comforter. 

“Fuck.”

He’s naked. 

He’s naked in his partner’s bed and he doesn’t know how he got that way. Slowly and carefully he slides from the bed and begins to search for his clothes. He spots a trail of shirts and jeans - his and hers - that leads back towards her bedroom door. He spots his sneakers and hers. Followed by their jeans. Her brassiere then his briefs and finally her panties lay at her bedside. As he bends down to retrieve his underwear, flashes of the night before plague his mind.

His face between her thighs.

Her eyes dark with lust and desire.

Her lips swollen from his kiss. 

His body entering hers.

He shakes the images from his head and watches her face closely as he retrieves the item. She sleeps peacefully and undisturbed. He picks up his jeans and shoes then sneaks out of her bedroom. He finds his shirt in the doorway and his jacket by her front door. He pauses there to pull on his clothes then slips out as quietly as possible. He pulls his phone from his pocket. 

4 Missed Calls.

His wife is going to kill him. 

xXx

Thank God for small favors, because it is only by His saving grace that Elliot was able to make it through this day. Olivia had thankfully called out sick, which saved him an awkward day of having to pretend that he didn’t cheat on his wife by sleeping with his partner and then made it worse by sneaking out her bed this morning. 

His wife.

He’d called Kathy on the cab ride back to the station and avoided his driver’s judgmental stare as he lied and explained that he had fallen asleep in the crib while intending to take a quick nap and inadvertently slept through the night. He’d done it before. So she’d chuckled and called him hopeless and he promised to be home for dinner. He is in the process of walking to his car when Olivia emerges from her own and stops him.

“Elliot.”

“I can’t do this right now Liv, I promised Kathy I’d be home by six.”

“So we’re just not going to talk about last night? How long do you think you can avoid me?”

He pauses. He’s avoided her calls and her texts all day. They’re going to have to talk about this at some point. There’s no time like the present. “I can give you five minutes.”

He climbs into the passenger side of her car as she slips into the driver’s side. Neither says a word unsure where to start. He doesn’t know what to say to her. He doesn’t know how to explain his actions.

“What are we going to do?” she asks.

“I don’t know,” he shakes his head. “but it can’t happen again.”

“You think I want it to? Elliot, you’re married.”

“I know.”

“What is Kathy going to say?”

“Kathy’s not going to know.”

“You’re not going to tell her?”

“Why would I tell her?”

“I don’t know. I’m just- I’ve never been in this situation before!” she yells, exasperated.

“Neither have I!” he yells back. “Look, nobody needs to know what happened.”

She nods in agreement. “You’re right. It was a drunken mistake. Nobody needs to know. What about work?”

“We act like everything’s normal. Nobody will be none the wiser.”

“Ok. So we have a plan.”

“We have a plan.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why did you sneak out like that this morning? We could have talked this out before you left.”

“I know, but…I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid that…I was afraid…”

“You were afraid I would want more.”

“Yes.”

“I know you’re married, Elliot, and I would never expect you to leave your wife. I know how much your family means to you. I’m not a homewrecker.”

“I know.”

“Then can you look at me?” For the first time since he sat in her car he turns his gaze to look at her and he sees the woman he saw last night. She wasn’t Olivia Benson his partner. She was Olivia Benson the woman. Sexy. Available. His. “Do you really believe we can still work together, because if not, I’ll walk in to Cragen’s office and put in for a transfer tomorrow.”

“No!” he protests. “Olivia, I just got you back. You’re my partner. I don’t want to lose you again.” 

Since Gitano, their partnership has been a series of ups and downs. Computer crimes. Undercover stings with the FBI. She’d left him twice and it made him realize how much he needed her. No one else understood him like she did. No one would put up with his mood swings. No one knew how to calm him. No one cared about him the way she did. He needed her to be his partner.

He needed her.

“Then treat me like your partner. Nothing more. Nothing less. Deal?”

“Deal.”

They hold each other’s gaze for a moment, the air electric between.

“G’nitght,” he says and steps out her car to head home to his wife.


	2. I'm Pregnant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Torn
> 
> Ch2 Excerpt: 
> 
> “Then what are you saying?”
> 
> “I’m saying that I can’t be involved. I’m sorry.”

Chapter 2- I’m Pregnant

“Any big plans for the night?” Elliot asks as he stands from his desk and pulls on his coat. 

“Actually, I was hoping you would join me for a drink.” On the other side of the desks Olivia stands and dons her own coat as well.

“You sure that’s a good idea?” 

“C’mon El, for old times’ sake?”

“Fine, but I can only stay for one drink. I promised Kathy I’d be home in time for dinner, which was two hours ago.” Since the reconciliation he has been trying to spend more time at home: dinners, bedtimes, homework. He tries to be home now for all of it, though he only seems to make it home for some of it. He tries, and Kathy can see that he is trying. Harder than he ever has before.

“Then I’m not keeping you from anything” At his hesitant look she continues. “I promise I won’t keep you long.”

The past few weeks have been difficult, despite their resolve to pretend nothing happened. Things have been awkward between them. Something that even Munch and Finn have picked up on, not to mention Cragen, but she’s Benson and he’s Stabler. It took a couple weeks, but eventually they found their rhythm. It was their resolve to be overly professional with each other that was the problem, and once it became too exhausting to maintain, things seemed to fall into place. The only problem is he can’t stop himself from reliving it. As the days pass more of that night seems to come back to him. It seems like every time he closes his eyes he can hear her moans in his ears, feel her breath on his neck. He can even remember how soft her skin was as he caressed her. How wet she was when he was thrusting inside her. He remembers how tight she felt the first time she came around him. How is he supposed to pretend like he doesn’t know? How is he supposed to pretend like he doesn’t want to do it again?

Olivia slides on the stool beside him and he orders two beers for them. It’s funny because this is how it all started. At another bar on another night. The squad had gone out to celebrate Munch’s birthday. They had talked and laughed and joked and laughed some more. Drinks were shared. Shots were downed. Then slowly they had disappeared, one by one, until only he and Olivia were left. She’d swayed when she stood up to head home. Told him she was going to walk since her apartment was only a couple blocks away and she could use the fresh air. He’d offered to walk with her, not wanting her to walk home alone drunk. So he’d walked by her side and when they got to her building, he had wordlessly followed her upstairs. At her door, as she turned to thank him and bid him goodbye, he remembered thinking he had the prettiest fucking partner in the whole department and how much he wanted to kiss her, and how unfair it was that he was the only one that couldn’t have her. The next thing he knew his lips were on hers and when she didn’t pull away he kissed her harder. His tongue had slid into her mouth and her hand had slid into his pants and in that moment all he’d wanted was more. All he wanted was her. 

So he had her.

“So how are things at home.”

“Not too bad…uh. Kathy… lost the baby.”

“I’m so sorry. When?”

“About a week after we reconciled.”

“You never said anything.”

“I didn’t know how. It’s not something you bring up in normal conversation.”

“How’s she taking it?”

“It was rough at first but she’s doing well. We both are. It’s been about a month now.”

Their waitress comes over and deposits two mugs on the table. Elliot takes his and takes a sip.

“Well, that makes this even harder,” she picks up her beer, thinks better of it then puts it back down.

“Makes what even harder?”

Olivia sighs. “Elliot, I’m pregnant.”

Elliot chokes on his beer and coughs a few times to clear his throat. “Say what now?”

“I’m pregnant.”

“And I’m the father?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but are you sure?”

“Yes, Elliot,” she answers, slightly perturbed. “It’s… been awhile.”

“What about that Porter guy?”

“We never slept together.”

“What abo-”

“Elliot! It’s yours,” she says tersely. “I’m eight weeks along and the dates match. The baby’s yours.” 

“How?”

“Don’t you have four kids? Shouldn’t you know how this works by now? We didn’t use anything that night.”

“I know how it happened, but aren’t you on the pill or something?”

“No. I stopped taking it when I went under. Being on birth control didn’t exactly fit my cover when everyone was convinced that it would sterilize the fish.”

“Fish? What fish.”

“Don’t worry about it. But anyways, that’s actually how I found out. I went to see my gynecologist to have an IUD placed and she had me take a test to be sure I wasn’t pregnant and…I was.”

“So what now?”

“I’m keeping it.”

He rubs the back of his neck. “Olivia…Kathy and I just got back together. If I tell her this my marriage is over and I want my marriage to work this time.”

“Elliot…I’m a lot closer to forty than I’d like to admit. This might be my only chance to have a baby. I’m sorry, but I can’t give this up for you.”

“I’m not saying you should have an abortion, Liv. I would never suggest that.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I can’t be involved. I’m sorry.” 

Her eyes fill with tears and she nods. “I um…I have to go,” she says with a shaky voice. She stands and puts her coat on. 

“Olivia, wait,” Elliot stands and puts some cash down to cover their beers and the tip for the waitress. “Let me drive you home.”

“No, you can’t be involved remember?”

“Yea, but I can still drive you home.”

“That’s ok. I’ll be fine on my own.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	3. Not Involved

“So, uh. How are things going?” Elliot asks Olivia as he navigates the streets of Manhattan. She’s beginning to show, making it even more difficult for him to ignore the fact that she was carrying his child. It’s imperceptible to everyone but him because he knows her. He knows exactly how her slacks are supposed to fit and how her shirts are supposed to hug her body. He can see the subtle changes in her frame and it bothers him for many reasons. She agreed to remain partners with him for appearance’s sake, but their relationship has become strained.

“Fine,” she answers quietly.

“Olivia, c’mon.”

“You don’t want to be involved, remember?”

“I still care. Do you think this is easy for me?”

“Do you think this is easy for me?! I’m pregnant and alone and I can’t tell anyone who the father is because he’s married and everyone will think I’m a whore.”

“That’s not what I wanted.”

“And what exactly did you want?” He opens his mouth to explain, but she puts up a hand to stop him. “You know what? Don’t. There’s nothing you can say to make this better.”

“I’m sorry, Olivia.”

“Yea, me too.”

*

“Need another hand?” Elliot asks from the open doorway. “Nice place.”

Olivia looks up from the box she is beginning to unpack. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to help you move.”

“Well, you missed the boat on that one. I’ve already moved.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I promised the twins I’d help them with their projects for school. Should have asked them what the subject was first, because math is not my forte.”

“Well, you can go. All the heavy lifting has already been done, it’s just the unpacking left.”

“Well I can help with that.”

“It’s o-”

“Where do you want these to go?” Elliot asks gesturing to several boxes that were stacked in the hallway.

“Side of the box says kitchen.”

“Alright, I’ll be in there.”

“I think you should set it up over there,” Munch’s voice carries through the apartment. 

“What you know about TV? Don’t you just read books?” Fin asks.

“It’s about the feng shui,” Munch explains. “I learned that from my books.”

“Feng shui my ass,” Fin mutters.

“Guys, what’s the problem?” Olivia asks.

“I think the couch should go over here,” Munch points.

“Yea, but if the couch goes there, then the TV has to go on this wall and you’re gonna have a glare from the light coming in through the window.”

“He has a point,” Cragen says as he sidles up beside her. Casey comes and stands on her other side.

“Yea a glare is super annoying,” Casey agrees.

“See. I’m right,” Fin gloats.

“How do you put up with them?” Olivia asks Cragen.

“I don’t know, but it would be easier if I could drink.”

“Munch, let’s leave Fin alone so he can set up my entertainment system. He seems to know what he’s doing. You can organize my bookshelf.”

“If that’s where you think my talents are best suited. Although I must say you should have me in here before the kid gets here. The energy is way off.”

“Thanks Munch. I’m going to order some pizza, any special requests?”

“Beef,” Fin answers.

“Onions and peppers,” Munch replies.

“I’m fine with whatever,” Cragen answers.

“Mushrooms and broccoli,” Casey responds. 

“Ok. Two large pies with everything on it it is.”

The group works in various areas of the apartment, moving room to room as needed. Fin works as the electrical technician and manages to get her TV, cable, wifi, and sound system set up. He leaves with his slices after hanging her second TV on the wall in her room, taking Munch with him. Cragen sets up her bed set along with Casey’s help while Elliot puts away her kitchen. Casey and Cragen leave after they’ve finished, and eaten their slices, leaving her and Elliot alone in her new apartment.

“Let me help you with that,” Elliot offers when he sees Olivia pick up a box.

“It’s ok. It’s light.”

Elliot takes the box from her. “You’re not supposed to carry things in front of you. Now, where’s this going?”

Olivia walks down the hall and stops in front of a door midway down the hall. She opens the door and allows him to enter behind her. 

“This the baby’s room?” he asks.

“Yea,” she answers. “There’s a lot of work that needs to be done, but I have time.”

The room is bare save for the single box Elliot places inside it. “Let me know if you need any help.”

“Elliot, what are you doing here?”

“I came to help.”

“Why?”

“Everyone else was coming so I figured I should come too. You know, for appearance’s sake.”

“So if the other guys weren’t coming you wouldn’t come either?”

“No, I…That came out wrong.”

“Then how did you mean for it to come out?”

“I just want to help, Liv. That’s all.”

“Elliot, I’ve had a lot of time to think and I’m not holding you to any obligations you may feel you may have. You have a wife and a family. You shouldn’t have to risk losing them because of one drunken mistake.”

“It wasn’t a mistake,” he says without thinking. How can it be a mistake when it happened more than once? How could it be a mistake when he keeps dreaming about doing it again? How could it be a mistake when he keeps reliving it in his head? He can still feel the sweat roll down his spine. Taste the alcohol on her tongue. Feel her nails dig into his back. He remembers he hadn’t been gentle and she allowed him to release something primal within him. It was something he’d never experienced with Kathy. It was hot, sweaty, rough, sex. It was everything he ever thought it would be. It was something he wanted more of. 

It was something he could never have.

“What?” she asks.

“It wasn’t a mistake.”

“Then what?”

“I should go. Yea. I need to go.”

“Elliot?”

“Goodnight, Liv.”

“Goodnight,” she says to his retreating form.

*

The elevator doors open and Elliot looks up from his phone just in time to see Olivia step on to the elevator as he’s stepping off. 

“Where you headed?” he asks.

“Doctor’s appointment,” she answers nonchalantly while texting on her phone.

“I got some time. Let me give you a ride.”

“It’s fine. I’ll just drive myself,” she looks up and pushes the button for the first floor(,) causing the elevator doors to begin to close.

Elliot uses a hand to stop them and steps onto the elevator beside her. “This way you won’t have to look for parking,” he says as he pushes the ‘Door Close’ button.

Olivia rolls her eyes.

*

“Stop touching things!” Olivia chastises from her position on the examination table. She does her best to protect her modesty in the thin gown with the paper sheet. “Haven’t you done this before? Sit over there,” she orders and points to the stool beside her.

“I was just looking. It’s been awhile since I’ve done this. I wanna see if anything’s changed.”

“Well, look with your eyes, not with your hands.” 

They sit in awkward silence as they wait for her doctor to come in. She doesn’t know what to say to him, because he’s not supposed to be here. He’d dropped her off at the door and sped off as soon as she crossed the threshold. So imagine her surprise when the door opened to the clinic and she looked up to see him stepping through.

“What’s your doctor’s name?”

“Dr. Sharobeem. Why?”

“I’m going to google him.”

“It’s her. Why are you googling my doctor?”

“Dr. Ezra Sharobeem. Stanford undergrad. Harvard med. Not bad. She’s got six kids.” 

“It says all that?” Olivia asks and leans over to see.

“Yup. Wife’s not bad either. She’s a nephrologist.”

“Knock! Knock!” her doctor calls from behind the door opening it slightly. “Everybody decent?”

“Yes, you can come in,” Olivia calls back as quickly readjusts herself. 

The doctor walks in and closes the door behind her. “Hi, Olivia. Nice to see you again. And we have a guest. I’m Dr. Sharobeem,” she introduces herself to Elliot and offers her hand for him to shake. 

Elliot takes in the woman’s Egyptian features from her long dark hair to her golden skin, green eyes, and smiling white teeth. “Elliot. I’m Olivia’s partner. From work,” he replies as he discreetly slides his phone into his pocket and shakes her hand.

“It’s nice to meet you. So, Olivia, how are we feeling today?”

“Pretty good.”

“Great, and the morning sickness?”

“Pretty much gone.”

“Yes, that tends to clear up around the second trimester, which you are officially in now that you’re fourteen weeks. Congratulations.”

Olivia can’t help the smile on her face. “Thanks.”

“Any cramping?”

“No.”

“How about the bleeding, is that still happening?” 

Elliot turns concerned eyes to Olivia. “No, not anymore. I haven’t had any in the past couple weeks and the last time it was really light.”

“Good. If you experience any more bleeding, you’re to call me right away.” Olivia nods in understanding. “Alright, I’m going to check you now then we can move on to the ultrasound, which I’m guessing is why your partner is here.” Elliot smiles. “Would you mind stepping out for a moment. Give Ms. Benson some privacy.”

“Oh sure,” Elliot stands.

“I’ll call you back in when it’s time.”

Elliot heads for the door and closes it behind him. Guilt immediately floods his senses as he waits to be called back in. Bleeding? He’d left her to deal with that on her own and there is no doubt in his mind that she would have been terrified going through it. He was terrified just hearing about it, and this was after the fact.

The door opens and Dr. Sharobeem pops her head out. “Hey, Elliot. You can come back in.”

Elliot follows the doctor back into the room and takes a seat on the stool next to the exam table. Olivia’s abdomen is already exposed and for the first time it’s obvious that she’s pregnant now that she’s no longer hiding behind loose fitting shirts. He watches as the doctor squeezes jelly onto her abdomen and maneuvers the wand over it. In no time the profile of a baby pops up on the screen in black and white. 

“Baby looks great,” the doctor muses. “Would you like to hear the heartbeat?”

“Yes,” Elliot answers before Olivia can respond.

The doctor adjusts the speakers and a loud rapid thumping can be heard. “Good strong heartbeat. Would you like some pictures?”

“Yes,” Olivia answers.

“Alright. I’ll take a few and have them waiting for you at the front desk. Any questions for me?” the doctor asks as she wipes off Olivia’s stomach and adjusts her gown.

“Nope.”

“Ok. I will see you in a few weeks. Nice to meet you, Elliot.”

“Nice meeting you too,” Elliot replies.

The doctor exits the room, leaving Elliot and Olivia alone for a moment. “Umm. Can you pass me my clothes?” Olivia asks as she sits up and swings her legs to the side of the table.

“Sure.”

Elliot grabs her pants and her blouse from a nearby chair and hands them to her. “Elliot, what are you doing here?” she asks as she takes her clothes from them.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean why are you here? Now. In this room with me. I thought you were just going to drop me off.”

“I was, but then…”

“Then what?”

Elliot shrugs. “I wanted to see the baby,” he admits. “I always liked seeing the sonograms. I wanted to see this one too.”

“But you said-”

“I know what I said. But…” he stands and moves closer to her and slides his hand over the bulge in her stomach. “I wanted to see the baby.”

Olivia hesitates before placing her hand over his. She looks up at him and smiles. “Did you like what you saw?”

His eyes lock with hers as he leans forward. “Yes,” he whispers against her lips before touching his own to hers. It’s a heated kiss that burns with unbridled passion. His hands move to her hips as he tongue delves into her mouth and her arms wrap around his neck. His hands hook under legs and draw her closer against him. He quickly frees himself from his slacks and pushes the gown over her hips before he pushes inside her. Olivia whimpers into his kiss as he begins to thrust into her over and over again. 

“Fuck,” he mutters because she feels just the way he remembers. Just the way he’s fantasized about since their first time. She’s tight and wet around him and she kisses his neck as he fucks into her. His hands grip her ass firmly as he drives into her, pushing harder and faster. She braces herself with her arms behind her and her head falls back, exposing the long column of her neck. He takes advantage of her position and kisses her there, inhaling the intoxicating scent of her perfume and…her. He tangles his fingers in the long tresses of her hair, drawing her mouth to his. Her hands wrap around him, gripping his shirt as the intensity builds inside her. She clings to him, wrapping her legs around him and holding him close. She pushes her tongue into his mouth and cries out seconds before she comes, gripping him and pulling him deeper. He swallows the sound of her cries of ecstasy and explodes moments later, pulling her flush against his hard physique and holding her close. 

Realization dawns on both of them as he slips from body. The guilt is palpable as they avoid eye contact while he resituates himself in his pants and she pulls her gown down.

“I’m uh-I’m gonna go get the car,” he says, motioning to the door, his eyes staring anywhere but at hers. “I’ll meet you downstairs,” he mumbles and leaves the room quickly, closing the door behind him.

Olivia buries her face into her hands and sighs.

What have I done?

*

The weeks fly by and Olivia’s stomach expands more and more with each passing day. Neither spoke on the car ride back to the station, and it was decided in the silence that they would never speak of their tryst in the exam room ever again. He keeps his distance from her, and his separation is made easier when Cragen assigns her desk duty when her pregnancy becomes something she can no longer hide. Members of the squad congratulate her and ask her about the father to which she responds, “He doesn’t want to be involved.” He doesn’t miss the tinge of venom and the sarcasm in her voice when she says the word ‘involved.’ 

She’s different now. Subdued. Quiet. He can’t tell if it’s the hormones or if it’s her, but he can feel the rage radiating off of her in waves. He hasn’t gone back to the doctor’s with her and he avoids all conversation having to do with the baby. He guesses it’s his sudden interest and then disinterest that has changed her, but he cannot be this baby’s father. The thought alone kills him, but he imagines it is easier to separate himself now rather than later. He and Kathy are on the mend and his family has never been happier. He thinks of her often and he doesn’t know what that means, but more importantly, he doesn’t want to know what that means, so he works with Munch or Fin and pretends he is not the father of Olivia’s baby. They plague him with questions about the “Situation” and he tells them he doesn’t know much. Refers to the father as an asshole and it seems to calm their curiosity, but not their anger. Especially Fin. Who doesn’t hide the fact that he would like a chance to kick the guy’s ass. 

Elliot walks up to the crib and spots her on one of the bottom bunks. “Everything ok?” he asks.

She sits with her hand on her growing abdomen taking deep breaths in and out. “Yea, kid’s kicking me black and blue.”

He smiles and sits beside her. “Can I feel?” He knows this is a big no no, but he can’t help it. He already loves this baby as much as his other children and no matter how much he tries he can’t stop his heart from wanting a connection with this baby.

She stares at him with menace in his eyes. “Seriously?”

He can’t help himself. “Please?” she sighs and nods hesitantly. He places his hand on her stomach. “Wow,” he laughs. “She’s strong.” He always pictures the baby as a little girl with her smile and his eyes.

“He’s strong,” she corrects.

“It’s a boy?”

“Yea, found out a long time ago when the amnio results came back.” 

“Amnio? You never told me you had an amnio.”

“You never asked.”

“Why would you need an amnio?”

“I’m high risk because of my age so my doctor suggested it.”

“Is he healthy?”

“Yea,” Olivia clears her throat and stands awkwardly. “I actually have to get going.”

“Why? Got a hot date?” he jokes.

“Something like that.”

His head whips around. “Something like-wait! You’re dating???”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it dating. Justin and I have been seeing each other off and on now for years.”

Elliot squints as he looks at her. “Is this a booty call?” 

“This is none of your business.”

He stands. “It is my business when-” he stops himself.

“When what?” she eyes him and dares him to say it. “You didn’t want to be involved, Elliot.”

“Yea, so you keep reminding me. How long are you planning to use that against me?”

“As long as I feel. You don’t get to have it both ways. Either you’re in this or you’re not.” She holds his gaze and waits for him to challenge her. To change his mind. To man up and be the man she’s known for almost a decade. Once again he lets her down. “I didn’t think so.” She brushes past him and heads for the door, but stops just short of crossing the threshold. “And it’s not a booty call. Justin and I have an arrangement. A girl’s got needs, you know.”

“Does he even know you’re pregnant?”

“He did when he came over a couple days ago. I suppose he remembers.”

“Well. Have a good time then I guess.”

“I will. Thanks.”

*

Cragen walks into the squad room and does a double take seeing Elliot sitting at his desk. “What are you doing here?”

“Apparently, I’m the only one working today. Where is everybody?”

“Olivia didn’t call you?”

“Call me for what?”

“She’s at New York Pres. Something’s wrong with her and the baby. Fin and Munch are with her now.”

“What?!” Elliot stands immediately and grabs his keys.

“Elliot, what’s going on wi-”

“Not now, Captain,” he says as he runs through the doors.


	4. Righteous

Chapter 4-Righteous

Elliot steps into Olivia’s hospital room to see her using her spoon to scrape the bottom of a jello cup. She looks up, surprised to see him. “What are you doing here?”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“Why would I call you, Elliot. You-”

“If you say I don’t want to be involved one more time.”

“Am I lying?”

“Olivia, I’m sorry I said that to you. It’s not what I meant.” 

“What exactly did you mean then?”

“I meant I can’t be this baby’s father.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because I still care. About you and the baby.”

When she doesn’t say anything, he takes a seat in one of the visitor’s chairs and gets comfortable. “So, what happened?”

“My water broke.”

“While you were…”

“No, Idiot,” she rolls her eyes. “I wasn’t feeling well so I canceled with Justin. I woke up at about four this morning to use the bathroom and my water broke while I was walking towards it. I called 911 and the ambulance brought me here.”

“But you’re early. How many weeks are you?”

“Twenty-seven. They managed to stop the contractions, but there was a point that they thought I was going to deliver so they gave me steroids to develop the baby’s lungs.”

“So what’s the plan?”

“I’m on bedrest for the next thirteen weeks.” 

“Wow.”

“Yea, I’m going to go insane.”

“Do they think you can last that long without the baby coming?”

“No, but we’re being optimistic. The longer he stays in the better.”

“Don’t worry. It won’t be so bad. Kathy was on bed rest with the twins. I was the one that was going to go insane.”

Olivia smiles. “How come?”

“She was hormonal and pregnant. With twins. Between the mood swings, the cravings, the girls and work…I don’t know how we made it. But we did make it, and that’s all that’s important. He glances at the TV.”

“So what are we watching?”

“Have you ever heard of a show called Catfish?”

xXx

Elliot walks the halls of the New York Presbyterian’s labor and delivery ward. His bag of loot in one hand and a Styrofoam cup holder in the other. He nods and says hello to various nurses and staff, all of which he’s come to know on a first name basis within the past two weeks.

“What are you smuggling in today, Elliot?” A nurse, Anthea, questions him. Olivia likes her the most. 

He pulls out a cup from Starbucks and hands it to her. “Carmel-vanilla nonfat latte. Extra foam. Three pumps of sugar.”

“Bless you,” she says as she takes the cup from him.

Anthea is the nurse that’s more concerned with her patient’s overall well-being than with the rules. She looks the other way when Olivia has too many visitors or if he stays past visiting hours. She pretends not to notice when Elliot sneaks in goodies to Olivia and he stops to grab her favorite latte as his thanks. 

“How’s she been today?”

“Tired. She was sleeping when I checked on her last. Don’t wake her. She needs her rest.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

Elliot continues down the hall towards Olivia’s room. He’s made it a point to visit her every day since she has been admitted. Sometimes twice a day if he could manage. Sure,) he has missed dinner every night this week, but he told Kathy that they were working a tough case, and it was a lie that she accepted without issue. He wasn’t sure what he was going to tell her next week(,) because it was rare for a case to go on for this long, but he’d figure something out. Maybe meet Olivia for more lunches instead of dinners. Although, he enjoyed his dinners with Olivia because he rarely had to leave until he was ready. He’d grab take out from her favorite restaurants and they’d sit and watch bad TV and talk. They talk now like they did in the beginning and as much as it makes him happy to be spending this time with her, it also saddens him now that he realizes there’s so much she doesn’t tell him and it makes him wonder:

When exactly did she stop telling him things?

It wasn’t when she got pregnant. Maybe around Gaetano? When it first dawned on him that they were too close and she left him shortly after that. Twice. The more she tells him the more he realizes what he’s missed. Though he realizes that they’re on borrowed time so he tries to make up for what he’s missed so far. Tonight he carries Greek food and a half a dozen cupcakes from Georgetown Cupcakes. Olivia’s pregnancy cravings have manifested in the form of a sweet tooth, specifically cupcakes. He’s decided to have fun with it and bring her cupcakes from different bakeries throughout the city, but Georgetown is her favorite. Specifically the chocolate lava fudge and two of the six cupcakes secured in the pink box in the white paper bag he carries in his hand are such. He prefers Magnolia’s, but he’s not the one gestating a human.

He enters her room and quietly closes the door behind him. “Liv,” he whispers unable to resist waking her. He can’t wait to see her face when she sees what he’s brought her. She doesn’t answer, but continues to breathe deep and even. She sleeps on her left side clutching a pillow close to her, Her hand resting over their baby.

He brushes her hair away from her face and when he pulls back his hand it is covered in sweat. He pulls away her blanket to find her gown is nearly drenched. “Olivia,” he calls more forcefully. “Olivia!” 

She groans. “Elliot?”

“Yea, it’s me. Are you ok?”

She groans again then gasps in pain. “No…something’s…wrong,” she gasps again. “Get the doctor. Hurry.”

He runs to the door and throws it open. “I need some help in here!” he yells down the hall. He rushes back to her side and takes her hand in his. “Liv, hold on, they’re coming.”

Anthea is the first to arrive. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know. When I came in she was drenched in sweat and in pain.”

“Ok, Olivia where’s the pain?” Anthea asks as she takes note of Olivia’s elevated vital signs on the monitor. Anthea fits Olivia’s arm in a blood pressure cuff while another drags a thermometer across her forehead.

“102,” the other nurse announces.

“Take over here,” Anthea commands. “Where’s the pain, Olivia?” Anthea asks.

“My back. I think I’m having contractions. There’s also a lot of pressure.”

“Pressure where?”

“Down there.”

“Ok. Someone page Dr. Sharobeem!” Anthea calls down the hall. 

“My doctor’s here?” Olivia asks.

“Yes, one of her other patients just delivered an hour ago. She’s probably still in the building somewhere. Now I’m going to check you,” Anthea says as she slowly parts Olivia’s legs with a gloved hand.

“Did I hear someone call my name?” Dr. Sharobeem appears dressed in peach scrubs. Her dark hair pulled into a neat ponytail. “What’s going on(,) Anthea?”

Anthea looks at her with serious eyes. “I can feel the head.”

“Gown and glove me, and let’s get ready for delivery. Somebody page PEDS!” 

There’s a flurry of movement as more nurses rush into the room and begin making the necessary adjustments for delivery. The doctor is draped in a blue gown, mask, and gloves after quickly washing her hands. She takes a seat at the end of Olivia’s bed after the end has as the foot of the bed has been dropped. The nurses turn her into the proper position for birth by rolling her onto her back and placing her feet up in stirrups. 

“What’s going on?” Olivia asks as Anthea fits her with an oxygen mask.

“The baby is coming now.”

“What? No! It’s too soon. It’s too soon! You have to do something,” she begs her doctor.

“Olivia, it looks like you may have developed an infection and the baby is now in the birth canal.” Dr. Sharobeem says from below. “The safest way forward for both of you is delivery. I know you’re scared, but we have everything ready and we’re going to take good care of you and your baby.”

“But, it’s too soon,” Olivia cries.

“You staying or you going?” Anthea asks Elliot.

“Staying,” he says without hesitation. He will not leave her. Not when she needs him the most.

“Then hold her hand,” Anthea commands.

Elliot takes Olivia’s hand in his and she squeezes it tightly, but he knows it’s not the pain that is causing the death grip on his hand, it’s the fear.

“Ok Olivia. Big push!” Dr. Sharobeem says from below. 

Olivia bears down with what little strength she has and pushes with all her might. 

“Harder!!” Dr. Sharobeem shouts. Behind her another doctor enters followed by an incubator. Then nurses immediately dress him in sterile attire.

“C’mon Liv, you can do this,” Elliot coaches from beside her.

“I can’t,” she pants. For some reason her body feels drained and despite her greatest efforts she cannot seem to muster up the energy she so desperately needs in this moment.

“Yes, you can,” Elliot tells her and locks eyes with her. “You have to. For our son.”

She’s not sure where it comes from, but somehow she manages to summon more strength than she thought imaginable and pushes with everything she has left. She pushes past the pain, past her fear, past the anguish and does it for her baby. 

For their son.

There’s a relief from the pressure and the pain subsides. She opens her eyes to see her doctor hand the tiny blue babe over to the other doctor and he carries him over to the warming station and begins to work. Nurses rub the baby vigorously as the doctor tries to listen to the baby’s lungs.

“Why isn’t he crying?” Olivia asks. “Elliot, why isn’t he crying?”

“Let’s intubate him,” the doctor says.

In a manner of seconds he has the tube down the baby’s throat and is pumping oxygen into his tiny lungs. He transfers him into the incubator and wheels him off to another floor.

“Wait, I didn’t get to see him,” Olivia protests to his retreating form.

“They need to work on him,” Anthea explains soothingly. “They’ll be back to inform you on his condition once they know everything that’s going on with him.” 

“But I didn’t get to see him,” she whispers as tears fall unchecked down her face.

xXx

Elliot walks down the hall towards Olivia’s new room. At least he hopes. The numbers seem to be going in the right direction. She’s now stationed on the post-partum floor. It’s been two days since she gave birth and two days since he’s been here. He didn’t know what to say or do. He wanted to be there for her when she needed him, but since the baby was born he figured it was time that he distanced himself and start living the life he has chosen to live. A life where he never slept with Olivia, and he wasn’t the father of her baby. 

“Can I help you?” A nurse walking down the hallway asks. She is an older woman with kind green eyes.

“Yes, I’m looking for room 428. I’m here to visit Olivia Benson.”

“Oh, that’s my patient. She’s not really up for visitors. A few of her work colleagues stopped by and she refused to see them.”

“She’ll see me,” Elliot assured her.

“Are you Elliot Stabler? I talked to her nurse, Anthea, up in L&D and she mentioned you by name.”

“Yea, that’s me.”

“Hi, I’m Nancy.”

“Nice to meet you. How’s she doing?”

“Physically she’s recovering well. She completed her last round of antibiotics this morning, but emotionally…Have you heard of postpartum depression, Mr. Stabler?”

“Yes, you think Olivia has that?”

“I’m not a psychiatrist so I can’t be sure, but I’ve been at this a long time.” 

“What makes you think she’s depressed?”

“Well, she’s not eating. She lays in the dark all day. She refuses to have visitors, but what concerns me the most is she doesn’t want to see the baby.”

“She hasn’t seen him?” he asks incredulously. Shocked. It’s been two days.

“No. The doctor has come to talk to her several times to update her on his condition, but he’s not sure she heard anything he’s said. She hasn’t even given him a name and shows no interest in doing so.”

“Where’s the baby?”

“He’s in the NICU. Third floor.”

“Can you bring me a wheelchair and leave it by her door.”

The nurse smiles knowingly. “Sure.” 

Elliot continues down the hall and knocks before entering the darkened room. “Liv?” he calls into the darkness. When there is no response he walks over to the window and raises the shades.

“The hell!” she swears when she is blinded by the sunlight of a bright summer day.

“It’s time for you to get up,” Elliot tells her. He places the bouquet of peach roses and the grey husky beanie baby he brought by her bed.

“Why are you here?” she asks, her voice devoid of emotion.

“I came to see how you’re doing.”

“I’m fine. You can go now.”

“Not so fast. Your nurse told me you hadn’t seen the baby yet.”

“And? Why do you care? It’s not like you give a shit about him anyway.”

“You’re right I’m a shit dad, which is why he needs you to be the amazing mother I know you can be.”

“He deserves better,” she mumbles.

“What?”

“He deserves better!!!” she yells. “He deserves better than either one of us. A father that doesn’t want him. A mother that couldn’t even carry him to term. He deserves better.”

“Olivia, what happened wasn’t your fault. Sometimes these things just happen.”

“Did you know he caught my infection? He’s septic now because of me. He has jaundice. Difficulty breathing. Apparently, the steroids did nothing because they still had to intubate him. He has a mild brain bleed. He can’t regulate his own body temperature. They had to give him an NG tube because he’s not strong enough to feed on his own. They have to give him donor breastmilk because mine is shot to hell because of the antibiotics. The one thing I could still do for him and I can’t even do that!”

“Alright get up.”

“What?”

“Up! You’re not going to just lay here feeling sorry for yourself.”

“Jesus, Elliot, just leave me alone.” Elliot throws back her covers and scoops her up in one fluid motion. “Elliot what the hell!” He deposits her in the wheelchair Nancy left for him outside her door. “That hurt,” she grimaces.

“Sorry,” he mumbles then turns around to grab her blanket. He takes it and drapes it over her lap and adjusts it so that it’s covering her legs. 

“Where are you taking me?” she asks.

“To see your son.”

They enter the NICU and Elliot helps her wash up and put on a yellow gown before doing the same for himself. They follow the NICU nurse to the incubator where their son sleeps.

“Here he is,” the nurse smiles and turns to see Olivia swipe away her tears. 

“He looks so tiny,” Olivia whispers. “How much does he weigh?”

“Three pounds even. He’s down about two ounces from when he was born, but it’s normal for babies to lose a bit of weight a few days after birth.”

“How long is he?” Elliot asks.

“Sixteen inches.”

“Wow. He’s really tiny.”

“Is he in any pain?” Olivia asks.

“I know it looks really bad, but he’s actually doing really well. The lights are for his jaundice, which is clearing up and we were able to extubate him this morning. He’s on CPAP now, which we’re using to treat his RDS. ”

“RDS?”

“Respiratory distress syndrome. He’s not producing enough surfactant, which is a kind of lubricant for the lungs. So the CPAP is helping him expand his lungs.” Olivia nods in understanding. “He’s done very well on the antibiotics.”

“But is he in any pain?”

“Not that we can tell.”

“What about his body temperature?”

“He’s still having a hard time with that, but we’re helping him along. The incubator is helping to keep him warm.” 

“Can I touch him?” 

“Of course!” the nurse says and opens the small window. Olivia carefully stretches her hand inside and touches hair covered skin.

“I brought him a stuffed animal. Can I put it in there?” Elliot asks.

“Not right now, but you can leave it on top and I’ll make sure it stays with him until he leaves.” Elliot nods and places the stuffed dog on top of the incubator. “Does he have a name yet?” The nurse asks.

“Yea,” Olivia answers. “Jacob Isaac Idris Benson.”

“Idris?” Elliot asks incredulously. “As in the black man that every woman has the hots for?”

“It’s Arabic for Righteous.”

The nurse writes the name down. “Great name. I have to do my rounds, but please let me know if you need anything.” 

She heads over to another couple, leaving them to their own devices. Olivia continues to gently stroke the baby’s arm. “Hey, Peanut,” she croons softly. “I’m your mom.”


	5. Through The Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michael/McDreamy is played by The McDreamy himself, Patrick Dempsey

Chapter 5-Through The Fire

Going home without her baby was the hardest thing Olivia has ever had to do. She spends the evening staring at pictures of Jacob on her phone and has a bowl of cereal before going to bed. She doesn’t sleep. She watches the clock and counts down the time until she can return to the hospital and see her baby. Her alarm goes off at seven and she hops in the shower and pumps since it’s now safe for Jacob to have her breastmilk.

“Nice to see you,” Jacob’s nurse, Daniela greets.

Olivia pulls a couple packs of breastmilk out of her pump bag. “I managed to get a few ounces out.”

“This is great. You’re actually just in time because it’s time for breakfast. We’ve been waiting for you to get here.”

“Why, is something wrong?”

“No. In fact, he’s been doing so well that he’s ready for skin to skin.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s when you hold him directly against your skin so his skin is touching yours.” 

“I can hold him?”

“Yup!” She picks up a gown. “You can go ahead and change into this. Just remove your shirt and have the open side to the front.”

“Alright.” Olivia quickly changes and returns and takes a seat in the rocking chair beside Jacob’s incubator. Daniela takes him out and lays him against Olivia’s exposed chest then covers him with a receiving blanket. “We’re placing him in the Kangaroo Hold. It’s been shown to help preterm babies improve faster along with the skin to skin. It will also help you two bond.” The CPAP machine is still attached to his face and Daniela does her best to adjust it so that he can rest comfortably. “I’m going to go check on my other patients, but you let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you,” Olivia says before watching the young nurse disappear. The baby has a thin layer of hair on his head and Olivia uses her finger to smooth it down then kisses the top of his head.

xXx

Olivia scrolls through her email responding to various issues here and there. Her insurance needs to be updated to include Jacob. Casey needs information about a case she had worked on that is now being appealed. Various bills are due. She glances up at the time. It’s almost time for rounds. She tosses what’s left of her turkey wrap and finishes off her bottled water before leaving the hospital cafeteria and heading for the elevators. She tries to log into her cable bill account but can’t seem to remember the password. she is so engrossed in her phone that she doesn’t notice the person walking her way also on her cell phone. The two collide in the middle of the hallway.

“So sorry,” Olivia apologizes and continues on her way.

“Totally my fault. Wait, Olivia?”

Olivia pauses and turns to look at the young woman. “Maureen?”

“How are you?” Maureen asks as she Olivia.

“I’m great! What are you doing here?”

“I’m doing my internship for my social work license. What are you doing here?”

I just gave birth to your baby brother.

“You and Dad working on a case? Is he here?” 

“No. It’s just me.”

“Is everything ok?”

“Yea, I just had a baby. He’s up in the NICU.”

“Oh my God! Dad never told us.”

I bet he didn’t.

“Is it ok? Sorry. Boy or girl?”

“Boy, and he’s doing great. He was born ten weeks premature, but he’s doing really well. I actually have to get up there. His doctor should be stopping by for rounds in a few minutes.”

“Do you mind if I come too? I’d love to meet him.”

“Ummmm…Sure. Follow me.”

Your father is gonna shit a brick.

*

“He’s so tiny!” Maureen exclaims as she peers down into the incubator. Rounds have passed. Much of the same, which means he isn’t doing any better than he was the day before, but it also means he isn’t doing worse. It’s a small victory and Olivia will take it. “He’s so cute!”

“Would you like to hold him?” Olivia offers.

“I don’t know. What if I squeeze him too tight? I might break him.”

“Nonsense.” Olivia waves the nurse over. 

“Who do we have here?” Daniela asks.

“This is Maureen. She’s an old friend, but if anyone asks, she’s my daughter,” Olivia says, cognizant of the “Family Only” rule they have up in the NICU.

“Well, no one will hear it from me,” she winks. “Would she like to hold him?”

“I told her she could, but she’s a little hesitant.”

“I’m just afraid I might break him,” Maureen giggles.

“Sit in the chair,” Daniela instructs.

She removes Jacob from his incubator and places him in Maureen’s awaiting arms. “Oh my God.”

“This your first time holding a baby?” Daniela asks.

“I’m the oldest of four. I’ve held a lot of babies, but I’ve never held one this small.”  
Jacob nestles into his sister’s arms. “Well, as of today, you have. And look. He likes you.”

Maureen simply stares.

xXx

Olivia looks up when a chocolate shake is placed in front of her. She looks from the left to the right in search of the magical drink fairy. He sits in front of her.

“It’s a chocolate shake.” He smiles at her with blue eyes filled with mischief and laughter. He sips his own shake. 

“Thanks? But I don’t really take drinks from strangers, sorry.”

He removes the straw from his drink and switches it with hers. He plunges his straw into the plastic top and takes a sip. “See. Nothing to worry about.” He squints his eyes at her. “You look familiar…”

“Michael?” she questions. 

“Yea…Olivia?”

“Yea.”

“Oh my God. You have hair.”

“Ummm… Thanks?”

“No, sorry. That came out wrong. When we dated your hair was a lot shorter. I like this better.”

“Thanks? Look, I have to go.”

”Crap, that came out wrong too. Let me start again. You look good. What’s it been? Seven? Eight years?”

“Yea, about that. Did we ever actually go on that date?”

“I don’t think we did, shame.”

“Yea, shame.”

“I saw you earlier when I was rounding in the NICU. You’re Jacob’s mom right? I didn’t realize it was you. I just thought, wow she’s hot.”

“Yea, it’s me. Look at you now. When I met you, you were a resident?” 

“Yea. I’m a Peds surgeon now so I have a few patients in the NICU. What about you? Still a detective?”

“Yea. First grade.”

“That’s good. So where’s the husband?” Olivia shakes her head. “Boyfriend? Fiancé?” Olivia continues to shake her head. “So you and the father aren’t together.” 

“No, I just can’t believe you would come over here to flirt with me when you think I’m in a relationship.”

He smiles proudly. “What can I say, I see a beautiful woman, I have to at least say hi.”

“That’s your save?”

“Ok, I also asked the nurses about you, but I had to ask to be sure.” 

“Jake’s father…Doesn’t want to be his father.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be, it’s his loss.”

“Yea, but…having a baby in the NICU. It’s tough. It’s a lot to go through alone.”

“I have friends that support me.”

“Yea, but it’s not the same.”

She shrugs. “It is what it is, but it was nice seeing you. It was good catching up.”

“Wait, you wouldn’t be up for going on that date we never got the chance to go on?”

“Michael, I have a four-week-old upstairs in the NICU. I’m not really dating right now,” she says and stands.

“I understand, but I’m not giving up this time. I have a good feeling about this.”

Olivia laughs. “Sure.”

xXx

Another chocolate shake is deposited in front of her in what has now become a daily ritual. Each day she wakes up around seven. Showers, pumps, has a bowl of cereal then heads to the hospital where she spends the majority of her day doing skin to skin and rocking her baby. She passes the time by singing to him, reading to him, and ordering things for him on Amazon. She takes a break halfway through the day. The nurses and doctors have cautioned her about keeping her nutrition up now that she’s nursing. Since Jacob’s sustenance was coming directly from her, proper nutrition is essential to his well being. Which leads her to the new addition to her daily routine: Lunch with Michael. She’s not sure how he manages it. He’s a surgeon after all, and she doesn’t always go at the same time, but she does try to go after the lunch time rush when things are quieter and she can eat in peace.

She takes the shake, shoves a straw through the top, and takes a drink. Michael sets down his lunch tray across from her. “Why milkshakes?” she asks.

“What? You don’t like them?”

“I do, but…it’s weird.”

“You’re nursing. So no caffeine. I wanted to get you something special. Show I care. Women love chocolate. Everyone loves a good shake. Thus a chocolate shake.”

Olivia sips from her cup. “I guess.”

Michael grins, his blue eyes shining. “You guess?”

“Is there something else you’d prefer?”

“No. Milkshake’s fine.”

“I ask them to put chocolate syrup in there so it’s extra chocolatey.”

“I can tell. Thank you”

“You’re welcome.” Olivia’s phone dings and she looks down at it to see a text from Daniela. “Something important?”

“Just rounds. I have to be back up there in thirty minutes.”

“I notice you spend a lot of time on your phone. What do you do on there?”

“It’s how I run my life. I respond to emails. Texts. Pay bills. Do some online shopping. Research what’s going on with Jake.”

“Oh, God. Don’t be one of those parents.”

“One of what parents?”

“Parents that research stuff on the internet and freak themselves out.”

“I’m not one of those parents, just some things go a little over my head.”

“Then ask his doctor. Never be afraid to ask. As your child’s advocate, it’s important that you stay informed.”

“I get it.”

“Is there anything I can help with?”

“Not really. It’s just.… It’s the same thing every day and some days he’s no better than the day before. He’s still on CPAP. He’s still using an NG tube. He’s barely gaining weight. I mean, am I doing something wrong? Am I not eating enough or am I not eating the right things? Why’s he not improving.” 

“He is improving, but it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Jacob was born before he was able to reach several key developmental stages. He still has to reach those stages. There’s no skipping steps.”

“I know I just…”

Michael reaches across the table and takes her hand. “You’re a good mom, Olivia. None of this is your fault.”

“I was supposed to carry him. I was supposed to protect him and my body failed. I failed him.”

“You didn’t fail him. Pregnancy isn’t easy. A lot of women struggle.“

“A lot more don’t.”

“Sometimes these things happen. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. I’ve seen hundreds of women in your position. Women that did everything right. Women that cut out caffeine, ate right, went to bed on time, took their vitamins, went gluten free, ate organic. All of it. You hear of women having spontaneous miscarriages. None of it is their fault and it’s not yours either. You have to stop blaming yourself.”

“I just see him in there, suffering and I can’t help but feel responsible.”

“You know what I see?” Her eyes meet his. “I see a baby that loves snuggling with his mommy. Who gets sung to and rocked and loved. I see a baby with an amazing mother that any child would be lucky to have. You’re a great mom, Olivia. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

xXx

Olivia enters the NICU and is surprised to see doctors and nurses crowded around her son’s incubator. Daniela spots her first.

“What’s wrong?” Olivia asks.

“Yesterday we noticed something was wrong with Jacob. You remember you mentioned he was spiting up a lot?”

“Yea.”

“Well, I noted that along with his decreasing vitals, and the doctors ran some tests last night. Jacob has Necrotizing Enterocolitis. The tissue in his small bowel is dying and we think it may have caused a bowel obstruction. It’s a common complication in premature infants born before 32 weeks.”

“Well, how are they treating it? What are they going to do?”

“They’re trying some noninvasive measures right now, but if they don’t work he may need surgery.”

Tears fill her eyes. “Well, is he in any pain?” Her voice hitches as the emotion in her throat threatens to strangle her.

“We’re managing any discomfort he might feel. Don’t worry Olivia, he’s in good hands.” 

“Can I hold him?”

“They’re working on him now, so no. But I’m sure you can stay close to him. The doctor is going to come and talk to you once he’s finished examining him.” Olivia sighs and swipes away her tears. “Is there anything I can get you? Anybody I can call.”

Olivia shakes her head. “No. It’s just me.”

xXx

Olivia paces the floor of the surgical waiting room. They’d taken Jacob in for surgery an hour ago and now all she could do was wait. She hates feeling so helpless. It’s unnatural to her. She was a cop for God’s sake, but a badge and gun couldn’t help her here. The truth was, she would walk through fire to save her son. She’d take a bullet for him in a heartbeat, but in this moment there was nothing she could do. All she could do was wait.

“Milkshake?”

She turns to see Michael with a Styrofoam cup in his hand. The small gesture of kindness is too much to bear. She breaks, unable to take it all. The stress, the worry, the anxiety, and fear. For weeks she’s been dealing with it all alone. Trying to be strong for her son, but in this moment it was all too much. She feels his arms surround her and she lets him hold her. Lets him be strong for her in this moment. Slowly she hugs him back and cries into his shoulder. She’s not sure how long they remain standing there, but she begins to feel embarrassed and draws back away from him. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

“Don’t be. It’s ok to cry, Olivia. You’re going through a lot here,” he hands her the cup. “Drink. You got to keep your strength up.”

She takes a sip of the cold chocolatey liquid and it seems to hit the spot. “Thanks.”

“C’mon. Let’s sit.”

They sit side by side and he takes her hand in his, linking their fingers. “How long can you stay?”

“As long as you need. My shift is over, but they might page me for one of my patients, but I can sit with you until then.”

“Thank you.” They sit in a comfortable silence while Michel’s thumb draws lazy circles on the back of her hand. 

“Olivia?”

Olivia looks up and is surprised to see the owner of the new voice. “Maureen. What are you doing here?”

“I stopped by the NICU to see you guys and Daniela told me Jacob was in surgery. Are you ok?”

“I’m fine. This is Michael. Michael this is Maureen.”

“Hello,” Michael waves. 

Maureen takes a seat in the empty chair beside Olivia and pulls her rosary beads from her purse. “I started bringing these my second day here after we were called in for a two year old that OD’d on meth. I stopped going to Mass when I went to college, but mom got these for me when I told her I was going to be a social worker. She must have known something because it helps when I can go down to the chapel and say a prayer. I can pray for Jacob here though.”

“Would you?” Olivia asks.

“Of course.”

“I’m going to grab some water. Maureen, would you like anything?” Michael asks.

“Water would be great.”

He looks to Olivia, “I’m fine, thanks. Hurry back.”

Once he’s out of earshot Maureen turns to her friend. “So when did you meet Dr. McDreamy?” she asks in a low voice.

“Mc Who?”

“McDreamy. That’s what everyone calls him around here.”

“He’s an old friend.”

“He’s kind of the bad boy around here. Very flirty. Very charming. The nurses love him.” Both women watch as Michael talks to a nurse at the reception desk. 

“Does he date a lot?”

“A doctor or a nurse here and there, but he’s not a slore if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Slore?”

“Slut slash whore. Slore.”

“Where do you guys come up with this stuff?”

“The Kardashians.”

“Remind me to never let Jacob watch TV.”

“Are you guys dating?”

“No.”

“Are you thinking about dating him?”

“Maureen, I just had a baby. Who’s in surgery right now.”

“Yea, but he’s hot!!!!” 

“Shhh!!!” Olivia chuckles. “Maureen, he’s old enough to be your father.”

“Barely, but then again my father is barely old enough to be my father. But Jesus that hair with those eyes. C’mon, Olivia you can’t tell me haven’t thought of sitting on his face.”

“Maureen!!!” Olivia says flabbergasted at the young girl’s words. “You’re holding a rosary for God’s sake.”

“What? Am I lying?”

Olivia looks at Michael again then back at Maureen. “Ok maybe once or twice.”

“See!!!” Maureen slaps Olivia’s arm playfully. “You better get on that before someone else does.”

“I can’t.”

“Olivia, your baby daddy is an asshole. You’re young, single, and beautiful. Moms can have fun too.”

“Fun is how I wound up with Jacob.”

“All I’m saying, is if you don’t go after him, someone else will. I’m not saying it will be me, but I can’t make any promises.” 

“Maureen!” Olivia nudges her playfully and the two women laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Michael asks as he hands Maureen a bottle of water.

“Nothing. Just a little girl talk,” Maureen grins and winks at Olivia.

“You know what. I don’t think I want to know,” Michael concedes and takes Olivia’s hand in his again.

Minutes turn into hours and Michael is eventually paged away, but his absence is filled by her coworkers. Munch and Fin, who’ve requested daily updates since this ordeal started, bring her food from her favorite deli and sit with her in silence. Cragen comes, but paces the halls as they wait for an update. Casey straggles in and begins typing up a brief while they wait and Melinda works the system to get them bits and pieces of information. Everyone is here, but one person is noticeably absent, and if they weren’t sure of Jacob’s paternity before, they probably are now. No one brings it up. No one acknowledges the elephant in the room, especially with his daughter present, blissfully unaware of her father’s deceit.


	6. Home

Chapter 6-Home 

Olivia sways slowly side to side as she gives Jacob his bottle. She can’t sit anymore. She needs to get up and stretch her legs. He’s made strides in the passing weeks. He made it out of surgery without any issues and only had to have a small portion of his bowel resected. He recovered well after surgery and has since graduated to bottle feeds and had his NG tube removed. He was off the CPAP machine and now breathing on his own. He turns his head, indicating he’s done feeding, and Olivia sighs. “I wish you would eat more,” she says to her baby. It’s amazing how much he’s changed in such a short amount of time. His features are more distinguishable and he has his father’s eyes. A feature she’s not quite sure how she feels about. As she gazes at him, she can see that he also has Elliot’s mouth, and ears, and chin. He is a miniature Elliot Stabler. The irony. She sighs again.

“I was hoping you were still here.” Michael says as he crosses the NICU.

“Just giving Jake his last bottle. What are you still doing here?”

“I just came out of a ten-hour surgery.”

“Oh wow. Everything go ok?”

“Yea, as well as could be expected. What’s wrong?” Michael asks noticing the frown on her face.

“He’s not eating enough.”

“Olivia, we’ve talked about this. It’s a marathon not-”

“-a sprint,” Olivia finishes. “I know, but I just want to bring him home. We’ve been here for two months now.”

“I know it can be frustrating, but he’s doing really well.”

A nurse approaches them and smiles. “All done?” she asks.

“Yea, but he only drank a couple ounces.”

“That’s ok. He’s taking the bottle and that’s what’s important. Unfortunately, visiting hours are over. They actually ended a little while ago, but I wanted to give you a few extra minutes to finish his last feeding before you go.” 

“Thank you.” Olivia kisses Jacob’s forehead and passes him over to his nurse. “He hasn’t burped yet.”

“Ok. I’ll make sure he does before I put him down.”

“Thanks, Allyssa.” 

Olivia grabs her things and stares longingly at her son as she leaves the NICU. Two months and she still hates leaving him behind. Michael follows behind her and pauses outside the NICU doors. “You have time for a milkshake?”

Olivia smiles softly. “Michael, it’s late. The cafeteria isn’t even open now.”

“Don’t worry. I have the hook up. C’mon. One shake.”

“Fine, but only because I’m starving.”

“Great.” He takes her hand in his and leads her to the elevator. 

“How did you get them to keep the café open for you?”

“I have my ways.”

“You charmed them didn’t you?”

“It’s what I do,” he winks. 

They ride the elevator down to the cafeteria and Michael motions for her sit while he heads to the ice cream section. He returns with a large brown paper bag.

“That’s not a milkshake,” Olivia states. 

“Good observation, detective.”

He sets the bag down and pulls out a wine colored table cloth and spreads it across the table. Fancy plastic plates follow along with silver plasticware. He sets up two long white candles and lights them then pulls two plastic flutes and a bottle of sparkling cider from the bag. “A bit of bubblé, mademoiselle?” 

“Please,” she grins and holds up her flute, amused and interested to see what else he has in the bag.

He fills their plastic glasses then returns to the bag and produces several boxes of Chinese food. “I didn’t know what you liked so I got a little bit of everything. Now let’s see, we have General Tso’s, beef and broccoli, lo mein, steamed vegetables, crab Rangoon, egg rolls,” he lists as he opens each box. “Vegetable fried rice, steamed rice, chicken wings, and scallion pancakes.” 

“Wow. This is way too much food.”

“It’s ok. I’ll take whatever we don’t eat up to the break room on the Peds floor. Shmooze the nurses.”

Olivia shakes her head. “You don’t stop do you?”

“Gotta be nice to the nurses. They can make your life hell.”

“So what is all this?”

“You owe me a date, and I knew that you would never go out with me, which means I had to bring the date to you.”

“Thank you. No one’s ever… No one’s ever done something like this for me before.”

“I like you, Olivia. And these past few weeks we’ve spent talking have been great. I just wanted show you I’m serious, and I hope when you leave here you’ll give me a real chance.”

She smirks. “Yea, I think I can do that.”

xXx

“Did McDreamy really make you a picnic dinner complete with candles and fake fancy silverware?”

Maureen sits in the rocking chair feeding Jacob. She rocks gently back and forth enjoying her time with her baby brother.

Across from her, Olivia stares at her in shock. “How did you know that?”

“So it’s true?! Everybody’s talking about it!” Olivia groans inwardly. The last thing she wanted was to become the topic of the hospital gossip mill. 

“Tell me about it! Was it as romantic as it sounds?”

“It was…nice,” she grins. “Maureen, you can’t tell anyone about this.” 

Maureen mimes zipping her lips and throwing away the key. “Mums the word. Now spill.”

“He’s an old friend. We met about six years ago at a party for some mutual friends. We spent the whole evening talking and at the end he asked me out. We scheduled and rescheduled that one date several times before deciding it wasn’t meant to be and going our separate ways.”

“That’s so sad. How come you had to keep rescheduling.” 

“Your dad and I were working on a really tough case. Some perv was kidnapping, rapping, and murdering little girls. It was all hands on deck for about three days straight.”

“Oh I think I remember that. It was right around the twins’ birthday right?”

“Yea. By the time the case ended he was back on rotation and just didn’t have the time. He was a resident then.” 

“So, he waited all this time to have a date with you. That’s just…” Maureen sighs dramatically. “I hate you.”

Olivia laughs. “Is he done?” she motions to Jacob.

“Yea,” Maureen hands Olivia the empty bottle and shifts the baby so she can burp him. “So, what’s the outcome? Are you going to sit on his face?”

“Jesus, Maureen! What am I going to do with you?” Olivia laughs. “I don’t know. He basically asked me to go steady-”

“Are you?!” Maureen asks anxiously.

“I don’t know. Relationships…don’t really work out for me. Your dad told me he was the longest relationship I ever had with a man and he’s right. Seems like the only way I can make a relationship work with a man is by being platonic.”

“Don’t listen to him. Dad can be such a jerk sometimes. I’m convinced I’m single because of him. He intimidates every guy I bring around. I think next time I’m going to wait to introduce him on my wedding day.” Olivia chuckles at the girl’s antics. “But really Liv, you should give McDreamy a chance.

“I don’t know Maur, I’m a mom now and right now I need to be focusing on that. Jacob needs me.”

“Yea, but Liv, you’re a woman too and you’re gonna need to get laid pretty soon,” she says seriously causing both women to laugh. “No one ever said you can’t have both.”

xXx

Olivia rushes through the entrance of the hospital. She’s late. She thought she hit snooze on her alarm, but really she just turned the damn thing off and now she’s ten minutes late for Jacob’s feeding. She sees Elliot waiting in one of the lobby chairs and breezes past him. She doesn’t have time for this. He’s been calling her nonstop for the past two days and the last thing she wants to do right now is argue with Elliot Stabler. 

“Olivia!” he calls when she walks past him. He stands and hurries after her, catching up to her after a few feet. He grabs her arm and she turns on him with eyes full of rage.

“What?!” she snaps.

“You told Maureen about the baby?”

“Yea, so?”

“So? You’ve been letting her hold him. Feed him.” 

“I don’t see your point.”

He pulls her closer to him and whispers to her through clenched teeth. “My point is, what if she finds out.”

“I don’t care if she finds out.”

“What?”

“You know you have some nerve. Your son has been here fighting for his life for the past two months and you’ve been nowhere in sight.”

“Olivia, we’ve talked about this.”

“He had surgery and you didn’t even send a text to see if he was ok.”

“You didn’t even tell me he was having surgery.”

“I shouldn’t have to tell you anything! You’re his father. He’s your son. You should be here for him!”

“I can’t.”

“Bullshit! Your daughter cares more about him than you do and she doesn’t even know that he’s her brother.”

“So that’s it. You’re trying to get back at me by telling Maureen.”

“I haven’t told Maureen a thing. But you know what? I’m not going to help you hide your dirty little secret. If she finds out then that’s your problem.”

“Dad?” 

Both look up to see their topic of discussion merely feet from them. “Maur!” Elliot exclaims.

“What are you doing here?”

“I stopped by to take my favorite oldest daughter to breakfast.” 

“Excuse me,” Olivia says and heads on her way. “Hey Maureen.”

“Hey! I’ll stop by later.”

“Alright(,) see you then,” Olivia gives the girl a smile then heads on her way.

“Dad, I wish you would have called. I don’t really have time for breakfast right now.”

“Well then how about a coffee with your old man?”

“Coffee I can do. Starbucks?”

“I notice you only drink Starbucks when I’m buying.”

Maureen laughs. “That’s what dads are for.”

xXx

Olivia heads into the NICU, still reeling from her encounter with Elliot. She spots Daniela by Jacob’s station and she turns with Jacob in her arms. “Hi Mom!”

“I’m so sorry I’m late. He must be starving.” 

“Everything ok?” Daniela asks sensing something isn’t quite right.

“Yea, I’m just a bit flustered.” 

“Well, Mr. Man here has been patiently waiting for you,” she passes him easily into Olivia’s awaiting arms and he stares up at her with his father’s blue eyes. 

“So, his doctors and I have been talking.”

“What’s wrong? Is he sick? He’s been doing so well,” Olivia sighs and kisses his forehead. 

“Relax. He’s doing great. We think he’s ready to nurse.”

“What?”

“He’s been doing really well on the bottle lately and he doesn’t need the extra calories we’ve been adding to his milk anymore. We think you should try nursing him.”

“But I’ve never-he’s never-are you sure?”

“Yup. Sit down.” Daniela helps Olivia get into a comfortable position and schools her on the ins and outs of breastfeeding and helps her get Jacob to latch onto her nipple. “Look at that. He’s a natural. I’m going to have the lactation specialist come up and talk to you and teach you some techniques since you’re both new to this.”

“Ok,” Olivia answers absently. Her focus now completely enamored in her son. 

“I’ll leave you two alone.”

xXx

A couple days later Olivia returns from her lunch with Michael. They’d gone to a small bistro around the corner and she had enjoyed walking with him in the warm summer air. She’s spent so much time in the hospital she forgot what it was like to be outside.

“Hey,” she smiles when she sees Daniela waiting for her. 

“I have good news!”

“What?”

“You guys can go home.”

“What?”

“Yup! He’s feeding on his own. He’s gained weight. He’s recovered well from surgery. He’s breathing fine on his own. He passed the car seat test when you were at lunch. He’s ready!”

“But, I’m not ready. His car seat is at home. So is my car. His crib’s not even up. Most of his room is in Amazon boxes.” 

“Relax. I’ve got it all covered.”

“Everybody ready?”

Olivia turns to see Cragen with a car seat in hand. “What are you doing here? She looks back at Daniela. “How did you?”

“We met when he was here after Jacob’s surgery. He gave me his card and said to call if there was anything you needed. I figured you’d need a ride today.”

“The car is ready downstairs.” 

“How did you manage to get away?”

“Being the boss has its perks. Told Munch to hold down the fort.”

“Thanks, Don.”

“It’s no problem.” 

Olivia carefully straps Jacob into his car seat and looks up to see Daniela approach her. “I packed up all your stuff while you were out. I knew you’d want to get out of here as soon as possible. I managed to snag you an extra bag with some more goodies inside. I also slipped you some more of those pacifiers he likes.” 

“Oh no, Daniela, you didn’t have to. Really.”

“I wanted to. I stole as many pacifiers as I could without it being too obvious. Some receiving blankets, some diapers, and other fun things. Should get you through the week. And if you have a pack and play you can have him sleep in that until you finish setting up his room.”

“Thank you so much.”

“It’s no problem.”

“No, I mean it Daniela. You’ve been…amazing. I don’t think I would have been able to get through this without you.” Olivia hugs her tightly and Daniela squeezes back.

“It was my pleasure. You take good care of this little one and don’t forget he has an appointment next Wednesday with the GI specialist and a follow up next week with his pediatrician to see how his first week home went.” 

“I won’t forget.” Olivia picks up the bags and Cragen grabs Jacob’s car seat. They all head slowly towards the door.

“And send us pictures and updates so we can put him on the wall.”

“I will. Thank you.”

xXx

Olivia looks down at the instructions and then the part she holds in her hand. 

“So this….goes with that…no that.” She pauses and flips the picture around then back again. “No, this, and I use…the little screw with the funny looking top. See. This isn’t so bad.” She looks up at Jacob, who sits contently in his bouncer, watching as she works on assembling his crib. “I should have this up in no time.” 

There’s a knock on the door and Olivia pauses. “Who’s that? Did you invite someone over?” Olivia asks the baby. She stands and lifts him from his bouncer before walking to the door. “I told Cragen no visitors tonight so it can be just us, so I know it can’t be the guys...” She looks through the peephole. “What are you doing here?” Olivia asks as she opens the door to reveal Michael, a charming smile on his face.

“Why, hello to you too.”

“How did you find my address?” Olivia asks stepping back to allow him in. 

Michael walks in. “How soon we forget. Twice,” he holds up two fingers for emphasis. “You canceled on me when I was already here.” 

Olivia chuckles. “And you remembered my exact address after all this time.”

“Did I ever tell you I had a photographic memory? Comes in handy,” he leans over and kisses her cheek.

“You know I moved, right?”

“I love the way you do that. Just let me dig my own grave. That some kind of cop trick?”

“Maybe.”

“Fine, you got me. I stole it out of the hospital records.”

“Isn’t that a HIPPA violation?”

“You gonna tell?”

“Maybe. Depends on what you got in the bags,” she nods towards the bags in his hands.

Michael walks through her apartment to the kitchen and deposits the bags on the counter, “Well if I know you, there is nothing in your fridge.” He opens it for dramatic effect. “Look at that! Empty.”

“I’ve basically been living in a hospital for the past three months. Sorry I haven’t had a chance to go grocery shopping.”

“I know. That’s why I did it for you.” He pulls items from the bag. “Milk, Capt’n Crunch, orange juice, bananas…” as he listed each item Olivia stared at him in wonderment. He’d listened and paid attention to everything she’d eaten over their time together. “I’m also going to make you dinner. Braised beef, parmesan mashed potatoes, and garlic green beans.”

“I like the sound of that! C’mere.” 

He walks over to stand in front of her. “What?”

She leans up and kisses him chastely on the lips. “That.”

“I like that,” his whispers against her lips and kisses her again. He takes Jacob out of her arms. “So what have you two been up to?”

“Follow me,” she says and takes his hand to lead him down the hall.

“What is this?!”

“It’s a baby’s room.”

“No, it’s not. It’s a mess!” He looks around the room and the floors are covered in boxes from amazon, Walmart, and target. Shopping bags are lined against one wall and an unfinished crib against another. There are other boxes that, from the pictures on the outside, hold various baby paraphernalia. A stroller, a playpen, a swing. 

“Again. Living in a hospital.” 

“Well, we’re going to go fix dinner and leave you so you can turn this into a baby room, because right now…this is just sad.” He picks up the bouncer and walks out of the room, talking in voice that could only be characterized as baby talk. “Your mama’s got work to do. I’m going to teach you how to make a meal that will impress any woman.” Olivia looks around the room and decides to continue where she left off.

xXx

Olivia swirls her beef in the remaining sauce left on her plate before placing it in her mouth. “Where did you learn to cook like this?”

Michael places the screwdriver in his mouth and admires his work. “Before I wanted to be a doctor, I wanted to be a chef. I trained for a year at Le Cordon Bleu in Paris.” He shakes the changing table slash dresser and smiles once he’s sure it’s sturdy.

“Fantaisie.”

“Oh. Tu parle Français?”

“Oui oui, et Espangnol et Italien.”

“Sexy,” he winks at her and smiles with pearly white teeth.

“Are you done yet? You’ve been working on that for almost an hour now, and it came mostly done.”

“You can’t rush perfection.”

“Well, Mr. Perfect, in the time it took you to put that together I’ve finished the crib, swing, and I’m almost done with this playpen.”

“Playpen doesn’t count. All you did was take it out the box, and besides I made dinner. A very good dinner, if I recall you saying.”

“Fine. I’ll give you dinner. But you think you can help me put away his clothes?” 

“Yea, just let me clean up the kitchen then I’ll come back in and help you.”

He picks up their plates then heads to the kitchen where he cleans up the remnants of their dinner. He made sure to make enough so that she’d have lunch for tomorrow and he packs it away in some Tupperware he bought and sticks it in her fridge. Once the kitchen is spotless, he heads back into the baby’s room and is astonished at the difference. Furniture has been assembled and placed in its rightful place. He picks up the boxes and plastic and debris while she hangs clothes in the closet. He returns from the dumpster to see a nursery. The light grey crib sits against the dark blue accent wall covered in gold foil stars. A grey swivel glider chair sits in the corner by the window with its matching ottoman. The grey dresser with changing top sits against another wall. Dark blue and white bedding fill the crib, along with a husky beanie baby he recognizes from the hospital. Clothes have been hung in their rightful place. Shoes lined up on the shelf. A mobile of stars, clouds, and the moon hangs over the crib. It’s simple, but it’s nice. Fitting. 

“It still needs some work, but it will do for now.” 

“Yea, you’re right. Something’s missing…”

“What?”

He walks over to the bouncer where Jacob sleeps and lifts him and places him in his mother’s arms. “Put him in his bed.” 

Olivia walks over and gingerly lays him in his crib. His five pound body appearing smaller while surrounded by the vast space. Olivia smiles. He was finally home. In his room. In his bed. He was home. The lights go out then she feels Michael’s arms wrap around her from behind. He kisses her shoulder, left bare by her sweater, then her temple and they gaze down at her son. She turns in his arms. “Thank you. So much. For everything.”

“It was my pleasure.”

“But it was so nice of you to cook dinner for me and help me out.”

“I just wanted to spend time with you.” She smiles. “You know, that kiss in the kitchen was our first kiss.”

“Really?”

“Yea, and I don’t know about you, but I kinda liked it. I think I’d like to try it again.”

“Yea?” she whispers against his lips.

“Yea,” he whispers back then kisses her gently. They trade soft tender kisses until she opens her mouth to him, allowing his tongue to slide in. He pulls her flush against his body and walks her backwards out of the room. “Liv,” he mumbles in between kisses. 

“Mmm,” she moans against his lips.

“I don’t know where your room is.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

She kisses him harder, with more fervor, more urgency pulling him along down the hall. His hands slide beneath her sweater and singes her skin as he cups her breast. She pushes his shirt off his head, depositing it along the way. Her sweater follows. They reach her bedroom where she sits on her bed and pulls him on top of her. He falls between her thighs with a smile on his face. Clothes fly and hands roam and before she knows it, he’s sheathed in a condom and buried deep inside her, and as he moves she wonders why they’ve never done this before. Why it’s taken so long for them to get to this point when it’s something so right. 

As right as coming home.

xXx

Olivia wakes to the sounds of Jacob’s coos and grunts coming through the baby monitor. Behind her Michael sleeps. His naked form pressed up against her body. His arms wrap around her waist and hold her close. She carefully moves them before slipping out of bed. She pulls on a robe and heads into the nursery where she picks up her son and sits with him in the glider chair. She exposes her breast and lets him latch on and take sustenance. She caresses the soft skin of cheek and stares into blue eyes. 

“Welcome home baby boy.”


	7. Deceit

Olivia picks up her phone on the second ring. “Benson.”

“Hey,” she says softly.

“Maureen?” Olivia questions. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just. How’s Jacob. I miss seeing the little guy.”

“He’s doing great. You should stop by sometime to see him.”

“Yea, that’d be nice.”

“How about tonight?”

“No, it’s late.”

“It’s only seven.” 

“Really? It’s only seven? Gosh it’s been such a long day I thought it was later. Anyways I can’t. I still have all this paperwork to do.”

“Anything that legally has to be filed tonight?”

“No.”

“Then leave it. It’ll be there in the morning.”

“I don’t know…I don’t like to leave any loose ends.”

“It’s one night. C’mon.”

“Alright. Want me to bring anything?”

“Just you.”

“Ok. Text me your address.”

Olivia hangs up the phone and texts her address to Maureen. “Hey,” she shakes Michael who dozes lightly beside her.

“Maureen’s coming over.” 

“Does that mean I have to leave?”

“No, but you do have to pants on.”

“What about round two?” He questions and caresses her bare flesh.

“If you get up, we can have round two in the shower.” 

“Uggghh! But I’m sleepy.”

“Up!” she calls over her shoulder as she heads into the bathroom. He groans and follows behind her.

xXx

“Hey!” Olivia says as she opens the door with Jacob in her arms.

“Hi!” Maureen waves excitedly at Jacob, who smiles in return. “Aww. He smiles now?”

“Yea, just started the other day. Hasn’t really stopped since,” Olivia says as she places the baby into Maureen’s awaiting arms.

“I missed you,” Maureen smiles and nuzzles his cheek. “Gosh, he must have magical powers. I feel better already.”

“Hey babe, I can’t find any of my clothes,” Michael says as he walks down the hall he pauses when he sees Maureen peek around Olivia’s body. 

“Dr. McDr-Preston. Nice to see you.”

Michael blushes and pulls the towel, his only scrap of clothing, tighter around his waist. “Hello Maureen.”

“Honey, your clothes are in the bottom draw of the dresser. On the right.”

“Thanks.”

Maureen waits until Michael closes the bedroom door behind him. “A whole drawer. You sat on his face didn’t you?”

Olivia blushes. “Maureen,” she says with warning in her tone. 

“How was it?”

“I don’t kiss and tell,” Olivia says as she walks into her living room.

“But you want to,” Maureen teases as she follows behind her. She takes a seat in the corner of the couch beside Olivia. “C’mon you gotta give me something.”

“Fine. It was amazing, but that’s all I’m saying!”

“I knew it! McDreamy lives up to the hype. Nice.”

“I hope you’re hungry. I ordered Greek food it should be here any minute.”

“Oh, Olivia you didn’t have to. Just getting to hold him is enough. And now I realized I ruined your romantic evening.”

“I’m the one that invited you here, remember?” 

“I know. I just…I don’t want to be an inconvenience.”

“Well you’re not and you’re welcome here anytime.”

“Thanks.”

“Want to tell me what happened?”

“This little girl. This beautiful little girl. She had the prettiest dark skin and these big brown eyes. That is until her babysitter poured scalding hot water on her to punish her for spilling milk on her new rug.” Olivia winces. “They couldn’t save her. Her mother was beside herself. Her husband just died in a construction accident and so she had to take extra shifts to make ends meet. She’s a medical assistant. It was a new sitter. A friend had referred her and said she would watch her daughter while she worked third shift. She saw the injuries after she brought her home this morning. That little girl suffered all night! She was only three. Why do people do shit like that?”

“I don’t know honey. I ask myself that every day at work. What was her name.”

“Stella. She wanted to be a star. That‘s how she introduced herself.” Maureen sobs. “I don’t know if I can do this job anymore, Liv.”

“You can. I know you can, because it’s in you. Your father does it every day and I know it’s not easy, but somebody has to do it. Someone has to try and make a difference.”

“What if I can’t?”

“Then you find another way to help, but don’t give up. Remember Stella. Carry her with you and think of her every time you think you can’t do it. Remember how she suffered and what you can do to prevent that from happening to another child.” Maureen stares down at the baby in her arms who smiles and grips her finger tight. “What your child’s name?”

“Children. Aubree and now Ryan.”

“Why Ryan?”

“I-I got in the way of your father saving him and he died.”

“I’m so sorry.” Olivia nods. “He’s so cute,” Maureen grins down at the baby. “I feel so connected to him I don’t know why.”

Just then the doorbell rings and she let’s out a sigh of relief. 

Saved by the bell.

“That must be the food. I’ll be right back.”

xXx

Food is consumed and movies are watched and Michael retires early for the night with grumbles about rounds at six. Maureen now rests in the couch with Jacob fast asleep against her chest. Olivia lifts him gently from his sister’s loving arms and tucks him in with a kiss on the cheek. He fusses until Olivia gives him his pacifier and hushes him to sleep. Olivia smiles and whispers “I love you,“ to him and leaves with a kiss on his cheek. She grabs a blanket and tosses it over Maureen’s sleeping form. She wakes suddenly.

“Shhh,” Olivia croons. “Sleep. It’s ok.”

Maureen settles back without anymore coaching. “Thanks Olivia,” she mumbles and falls back asleep. Olivia tucks her in before turning out the lights and heading to bed. Though with worry in her heart. How strong were genetics anyway? Would Maureen eventually be able to tell that Jacob was her brother? Why did she care anyway? It wasn’t really her problem. Was it? Except. She didn’t want to hurt her and if Maureen ever found out, her deceit would come back to haunt her.

xXx

“Try this,” Michael says to Maureen once she walks through the door and shoves the spoon in her face.

“Ummm. Hello?”

“Try!” 

She takes the proffered bit of sauce. “Oh my God!” she says in shock. “That’s amazing!”

“That’s dinner.”

“He cooks like that all the time?” She asks Olivia, who sits at the counter nursing her son.

“Yup,” she nods.

“How are you not 500 pounds?”

“Breast feeding,” she says and points at the babe attached to her nipple.

“Can I burp him when you’re done.”

“Sure.”

“So we’re eating that tonight?”

“As long as he doesn’t burn it.”

“Once!” Michael calls from the kitchen. “I burned it one time.”

“I know honey, and you’re still a great chef,” she placates. She shares a look with Maureen and they both laugh. “How was work today?”

“Not too bad. I helped a DV victim find new housing and she was so grateful. It’s days like today that make it worth it you know?”

“Yea, I know. I’m just glad you’ve found your rhythm again.”

“Me too.” She smiles when Olivia passes Jacob to her. “Hi!” She kisses his cheek and rests him against her shoulder and pats his back. “So I got asked out on a date the other day.”

“OooOOOoo. Do tell,” Michael teases from the kitchen. 

“Quiet you!” Olivia calls back. “Go on, Honey.”

“He’s a physical therapist. His name is James.” 

“Is he cute.”

“So cute.”

“You plan on sitting on his face?”

“Olivia!” Maureen says in shock. “Yes, but I don’t know what to wear before.”

“What do you mean you don’t know what to wear? You’re what? 19? 20?”

“21, and he’s seen me in my professional clothes, which is basically all I have. I really want to wow him, but I don’t want to overdue it you know?”

“Did he say where he’s taking you?”

“Some gallery opening down town.”

“That’s easy. Follow me.” 

Maureen stands and follows Olivia down the hall to her bedroom. “Wow your bedroom is amazing.” Maureen says as she admires Olivia’s décor. It was simple. White, yet elegantly accentuated with blues and silvers and light greys. 

“Thanks,” she says as she pulls a red transparent long-sleeved blouse and black leather mini skirt. 

“Olivia, where did you used to wear this?”

“I had a life before Jacob. I dated. Mostly canceled, but the effort was there including the outfits. Although that skirt was a part of an undercover sting.”

“So it has character. This is so cute,” she says as she admires the outfit Olivia has laid out for her.

“I know,” Olivia stares at the clothes with longing. “So wear your hair down. A little makeup. And if you have a pair of those little ankle boots-”

“I do.”

“Ok those and…” Olivia walks over to her dresser. “This. I’m letting you borrow this.”

“What is it?”

“My secret weapon. Men LOVE this perfume.” 

“What kind is it?” Maureen asks as she tests a bit on her wrist.

“I have no clue. My friend from college moved to Dubai and found it in the souq. It’s light, but really pretty. You’re guy is going to love it. Michael does.”

Your father did too.

“Thanks Liv,” Maureen smiles and notices the way Olivia stares longingly at her closet. “Hey, when was the last time you got all dolled up and went out on a date.” 

“I can’t Maureen,” Olivia said sensing where the young girl was going.

“Why not?” 

“I’m a Mom now, and I can’t trust just anyone to watch Jacob with his health issues.”

“Will you trust me?”

“I don’t know…” Olivia hesitated.

“C’mon. I’m here all the time. I know him well enough to watch him for a few hours.”

She was right. Maureen had slowly, but surely become a staple in her home. Opting to come over and hang out or stop by when she needed a quiet place to study.

“I’ll talk about it with Michael. See what he says.”

“He’s going to say yes, so you should start thinking of an outfit now.”

“I already have one in mind,” Olivia winks.

“You can’t go out naked!” Maureen jokes back.

xXx

“So you know where everything is. The emergency numbers are on the fridge along with mine, Michael’s and the number for the restaurant,” Olivia lists as she walks through the apartment in a red dress and matching heels. Maureen follows behind her with Jacob nestled in her arms and his thumb in his mouth. She shares an amused look with Michael who waits patiently by the door. “He should be ready for bed at about 8. Remember he can’t sleep without his blanket an-” 

“Olivia, it’s me. I’ve spent tons of time with him and watched you put him to bed numerous times. We’ll be fine.”

“I know, but it’s my first time leaving him with anyone,” she says and caresses her baby’s cheek.

“We’ll be fine.”

“She’s right, Babe. We gotta go or we’re gonna miss our reservation,” Michael says and holds open Olivia’s coat for her.

Olivia walks over and allows him to help her put on her coat. “If you need anything. Anything at all, don’t hesitate to call,” Olivia says as Michael ushers her through the door.

“She’s got it Babe, now let’s go.”

“Bye,” Maureen waves Jacob’s arm at their retreating forms. Once they’re gone she ensures the door is properly closed and locked behind them. “Mommy’s silly isn’t she,” Maureen coos to the babe and he smiles and squeals his response.

xXx

An hour later Maureen sits on the floor working on her paper while Jacob sits quietly in his bouncer beside her. They had done half an hour of tummy time and games then Maureen had moved him to the swing, much to his dismay. So the bouncer it was where he had cooed and babbled until recently. Maureen looks up to see Jacob’s eyes begin to droop. “Looks like it’s time for bed,” she says and stands. She lifts Jacob easily into her arms and nuzzles his neck as she walks him to his bedroom. “Let’s get you changed for bed.”

Maureen lays Jacob on the changing table before removing his romper and undoes his diaper. She pulls it away, but quickly replaces it when she sees a stream of urine shoot out. “Hey you!” she jokes and tickles the baby’s chin. Jacob only stares. “Tough crowd.” Jacob begins to fuss and Maureen takes it as her signal to get Jacob changed as quickly as possible and down for the night. She pulls away the wet diaper and pauses at the peculiar red birthmark located on Jacob’s lower abdomen. It’s a birthmark she’s seen before. Four times to be exact. She looks deep into Jacob’s blue eyes and he gives her a quick half smile. And it hits her all at once.

Her father’s chin.

Her father’s mouth.

Her father’s ears.

Her father’s eyes.

Her father.

She doesn’t know why she never saw it before, but panic ensures as the possible implications hit her all at once. She quickly dresses him in a baby blue sleeper and grabs a Q-tip. She uses it to swab his mouth before giving him his pacifier and laying his blanket beside him. She closes the door and places the Q-tip in a plastic baggie. She holds it up and gazes at the small stick wrapped in cotton and thinks of the secrets it may reveal. 

The family it may destroy.

Her family.

Her phone rings and she grabs it from her back pocket. Olivia’s name flashes across her caller-ID. “Hey Liv,” she answers, putting on her best ‘I’m ok’ voice.

“Hey. How’s everything going?”

“Great. I just put him down he was tired.”

Is he my baby brother?

“Ok. He hasn’t given you any trouble has he?”

How long were you sleeping with my father?

“Nope. He’s been an angel.”

Does my father know Jacob’s his son?

“Great. I just wanted to check everything’s ok.”

It’s NOT!

“Everything’s fine,” Maureen says and does her best to make her voice sound normal because everything is anything but fine.

Olivia senses that something isn’t quite right. “Maureen? Are you sure everything’s ok?”

“I’m sure. You guys take your time.”

“Ok,” Olivia says hesitantly. “Call me if you have any problems.”

Oh, we have a MAJOR problem.

“We won’t. Bye Liv.”

“Bye.”

Maureen stares back a the Q-tip.

Please let me wrong. Let me be crazy. Let everything be fine.

xXx

Olivia grabs the baby monitor and exits the nursery closing the door softly behind her. She heads to the living room where a pile of laundry waits for her to fold. Michael is working the night shift, which has given her time to catch up with her household chores. Laundry being the chore most neglected, but sadly she had been forced to give in when both she and Jacob had run out of socks. There’s a soft knock on the door and she heads over to answer it.

“Who is it?” she asks.

“It’s Maureen,” she hears her call softly through the door.

Olivia checks the peephole to be sure then answers the door. “Hey what’s wrong,” Olivia asks when she sees Maureen’s blue eyes rimmed with tears. 

“Can I talk to you?”

“Sure. Let’s sit over here, because the couch is covered in laundry.” Olivia leads them to the dinning table where she sits at the head of the table and Maureen sits beside her. “What’s up?”  
Maureen pauses for a moment unsure of how to start. She’s rehearsed her speech over and over in her head, but never settles on a place to start. “Maureen? Honey, you’re scaring me.”

She decides to start at the beginning. “Has Dad ever told you about the Stabler Heart?”

“No. What’s that?”

“It’s a birthmark we all had when we were babies. It’s red at first and always in the shape of a heart. Never the same heart, but a heart nonetheless. It got darker as we aged. Lizzie has it behind her ear. Dickie has it on his back. Kathleen has it on her thigh and I have it,” she rolls up her sleeve and holds up her arm showing off the birthmark on the inside part of her elbow. “here.” 

Olivia closes her eyes and hangs her head, because she knows where this is going. “Maureen, I can explain.”

“So imagine my surprise,” Maureen continues, “When I was changing Jacob the other night and I noticed he had the same birthmark on his lower abdomen. I had never changed him before so I never noticed. So I took a sample,” Maureen pulls a piece of paper from her jacket pocket. “And DNA proves, that Jacob is my baby brother. Do you want to see the results Olivia?” Olivia turns her head away in shame. “No, Olivia. Look! Look! Look at it! 99.99999% sibling probability..”

“I don’t need to look, Maureen.”

“I didn’t want to believe it so I had them run it against the DNA on Dickie’s toothbrush and sure enough they share a Y chromosome. How could you Olivia? How could you lie to us like that?” Tears spring to Olivia’s eyes because she never wanted this to happen. She’s come to love Maureen like a daughter of her own and the pain in the younger woman’s her eyes breaks her heart. “How could you keep this from my father?!”

“Maureeeen-” Olivia tries.

“Well I’m telling him! I’m not going to help you hide your dirty little secret,” She stands marches angrily towards the door.

“Your father knows,” Olivia says to her retreating back. If her secret is already out, then she might as well get it all out.

Maureen freezes and turns slowly. “You’re lying. You’re lying! My father would never-”

“Except he did. I told him when I found out I was pregnant. He was even there when he was born. He doesn’t want him, Maureen.”

“That’s a lie! My father would never abandon one of his children.”

“He would for your mother.”

“What?!”

“Did you do the math Maureen?”

“Of course I did the math, but that would never matter to my dad. He always says how much he loves us, and how he would never let anything come between us and our relationship with him.”

“But he doesn’t love my son. He had to make a choice Maureen, and he chose your mother and their marriage over Jacob. He didn’t want to break up your family.”

Maureen shakes her head. Unable to believe the words that she is hearing. “I’m going to talk to my dad. You’ve been lying this whole time. How can I believe anything you say?”

“You do what you have to, Maureen.”

“I will!” Maureen says and heads back to the door. Slamming it behind her. 

From the monitor Olivia hears Jacob hiccup a cry and she stands to tend to her son’s needs.

xXx

“She was so angry,” Olivia whispers to Michael who lays beside her. His head propped on his arm as he listens to Olivia relay events of the evening before.

“So, Maureen is Jake’s sister.”

“Yes.”

“And Elliot is your partner at work?”

“Yes.”

“Well that’s comforting,” Michael deadpans.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure my boss knows and he’s never going to let us work together again. It’s against department policy.” She pulls the sheet up over her bare chest to ward off the chill.

“I guess that makes me feel a little better.”

Jacob’s cries come through the baby monitor and Olivia moves to go pick him up.

Michael stills her with a hand on her arm. “I’ll get him.” He climbs out of bed and slides his boxers over his hips before heading to the nursery. He returns moments later with the baby in his arms and lays him down beside his mother and slips in on the other side of him. “So what now?”

“I don’t know. I’m expecting a call from Elliot any moment now. I don’t know what I’m going to say.”

“Don’t say anything. You don’t owe him a thing. You did nothing wrong.”

“I know, but I feel so guilty. I never wanted to hurt her.”

“That’s not your fault. It’s his for not taking responsibility for his actions,” Michael tickles Jacob here and there causing the baby to laugh. 

“But aren’t I equally at fault?”

“You guys did a bad thing, but look at how great it turned out.” Olivia gazes down at her son who stares up at Michael adoringly. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Maureen will come around.”

“I hope so.”

xxXx

A few days later Olivia opens the door to reveal a more solemn looking Maureen. “Come back to yell at me some more?”

“I’m sorry. I should have never talked to you that way. No matter what I thought was true.”

“So, I take it you talked to your father.”

“I did. You gonna let me in or are we just going to have this conversation in the hallway?”

Olivia leaves the door open and walks away. She heads to her bedroom and when she doesn’t return Maureen follows her. She finds her in her bed with Jacob rested against her thighs. Maureen kicks off her shoes and climbs into bed beside her where they lay in awkward silence for a few moments.

“So dad admitted to everything. He didn’t want to at first, but I wasn’t letting up until he told me the truth.” Olivia nods. “I don’t understand,” Maureen says and shakes her head in disbelief. “Can I?” she motions to Jacob, who produces a large gummy smile for his sister when Olivia passes him over to Maureen. She kisses his neck causing him to giggle and rests him against her bent legs. “I mean, how can you not want to be a part of this? How can he just give him up? He’s such a sweet baby, how can anyone not love him?” She looks over at Olivia and sees the way her heart breaks for her son. “I’m so sorry, Olivia.”

Olivia closes her eyes to hold her tears at bay, but they bleed through anyway. “It’s not your fault Maureen. You didn’t make that choice.”

“I know, but I know this hurts you. How can it not?”

“I try not to think about it.”

“I feel responsible somehow and now I have this secret that I’m hiding from my mom. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I should tell her, but it’s not my place. Something like this should come from my father. Besides, if I tell what will that do? Do you think I should tell her?”

“I don’t know Maureen, I can’t answer that for you.”

“Jesus, look who I’m asking. Olivia what happened? How did this happen? Was this an affair?”

“No. It was one time. We got drunk. We had sex. We agreed that it would never happen again and that we would never talk about it, but…”

“You got pregnant,” Maureen surmises and looks back at Jacob who’s eyes have begin to droop. Maureen shifts him so that he lays against her chest. “So what? He’s just going to pretend like he doesn’t exist?!”

“I guess,” Olivia shrugs. “Look I can’t dwell on it. I have him, and in the end that’s all that matters.”

“Well I want him to know me and I want him to know me as his sister.”

“Maureen. I don’t know. I don’t know how we can make that work in the long run. Or hide it from the rest of your family. It’s too risky.”

“Olivia, he is my family and I want him to know it. I’ll respect whatever decision you decide to make, but I want to be in his life. And I want to be in his life as his sister.”

Olivia sighs. “I think we can make that happen. I mean look at him. He already loves you Maureen. I want him to have a family and you’re already part of it. No matter what, he’ll know you’re his sister.”

“Thank you.”


	8. Skisméno

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my favorite chapter of the story (maybe that I’ve ever written. I don’t know why) and its name sake.

Chapter 8- Skisméno

Olivia looks up from the TV when the door opens and Michael walks into her apartment. “Hey,” she smiles and kisses him when he leans down to brush his lips against hers.

“Hey, what’s he doing up?” Michael asks and reaches for the baby in her arms. Olivia passes him willingly.

“He won’t go down. I don’t know where this surge of energy came from, but I don’t like it. I was hoping the news would bore him to sleep, but no such luck.”

Michael sits beside her and nestles the baby in his arms. “So, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Ok. Talk about what.”

“I got a job offer. At Hopkins. Chief of Pediatric Surgery.”

“Wow, that’s great, babe,” she leans over and kisses him soundly on the mouth.

“Thanks. I’ve been on cloud nine since I got the offer. It’s the job of all jobs.”

“I’m so happy for you. You didn’t even tell me you were applying.”

“Well, I’ve been applying since we met in the hospital. It’s a long process. You have to meet the outgoing chief of peds. The chief of surgery, the board, everyone who’s anyone and they all have to love you. There’s a lot of people to impress.”

“But you did it. You impressed them all and now they want you.”

“Yes, which means in a couple months I’ll be moving, and I want you and Jacob to come with me.”

“What? Michael…”

“Yes, I know. That’s a big step, but Olivia, you and I? We’re good together. I know we haven’t been together long, but I like where we’re going and I don’t want to lose you. I mean, I can see us married in a year or two. Maybe another kid or two. I can adopt Jacob and we can be a real family. I want that for us. I want that with you.”

Olivia stares at him in shock. “Wow. Can you give me some time? To think about this.”

“Sure. Of course. I never expected you to decide tonight. It’s a big decision to make. Take your time. Think it through. I’m going to go read to him, maybe that will help him sleep.”

“Yea. Sure. Thanks,” she says distractedly and watches as Michael stands and walks Jacob to his nursery.

*

Elliot walks into the squad room with Munch by his side and is surprised to see Finn with a baby on his lap. “Who’s the kid?” he asks as he sits at his desk. Munch and Fin share looks of disbelief then stare at him with judgmental looks on their faces. “What?”

“It’s Jacob, man,” Fin answers.

“Jaco- Liv’s baby?”

“Yes!” Fin says and shakes his head.

“Where’s Mom?” Munch asks.

“In the office with the Cap.”

“And she left you with the baby.”

“I am his Godfather,” Fin says as if it were obvious.

“Since when?”

“Since I called it.”

“You can’t just call Godfather,” Munch chastises.

“But I did.” Fin shrugs. “Liv said it was cool.”

The door to Cragen’s office opens and Olivia and the Captain walk through. “Olivia,” Munch calls across the room. “You let this Putz be Godfather?”

“He called it,” Olivia shrugs.

“Where was I when this happened?”

“Lunch?” 

“I demand a do over.”

“Can’t have a do over,” Fin shakes his head. “It’s against the rules.”

“What rules?”

As Fin and Munch continue to bicker Olivia walks up to Elliot’s desk. “Meet me on the roof?” she whispers. 

“Sure,” he responds and follows her up the stairs. When they reach the top the brisk fall air whips around them. “How’ve you been? You look good, Liv.”

She crosses her arms over her chest and tucks an errant strand of hair behind her ear. “Thanks.”

“And Jacob looks good too.”

“Thanks. He’s…thriving,” she can’t help but smile.

“I can see. So what’s up Liv?”

“About Maureen-”

“No need to apologize. She told me what happened and how she figured it out. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I know that. I just wanted you to know that we talked and she wants Jacob to grow up knowing she’s his sister, and I agreed.”

“Liv-”

She halts him with the raise of her hand. “I’m not having this discussion with you. I’ve already made up my mind. I just thought you should know. Besides that’s not what I came up here to talk about.”

“Then what did you come up here to talk about?”

“I’ve been seeing someone. A guy named Michael.”

“Ok? And?”

“You might remember him from a few years back? The guy I kept cancelling on.”

“You do that to guys all the time Liv, you gotta give me a little more than that.”

“It’s not important. Look, he’s a doctor. A pediatric surgeon in fact and he was offered a job at Hopkins and he wants us to move there with him.”

“Are you going to go?”

“Yes, that’s why I’m here. I asked Cragen to help me start the paperwork for a transfer.”

“You’re leaving? Just like that.”

“Why not? There’s nothing here for me, Elliot. Michael’s a great guy and we talked about us getting married and him adopting Jacob.”

“Wait, adoption? You’re giving away my son?”

“You don’t want him, Elliot.”

“Wait, when did I say that? I never said I didn’t want to be his father. I said I can’t be his father.”

“It all sounds the same to me. Look, this is going to happen. Despite everything, you’ve been my partner for eight years and whether either of us like it or not, we have a child together. I wanted you to know that we’re moving and I brought Jacob here to give you a chance to say goodbye.”

“He’s my son,” Elliot grits out, his eyes red and bright with tears.

“Since when? You haven’t been there for him. You haven’t done one thing!”

“But what if he comes to me in the future? How do I explain to him that I just gave him away. That I just let you walk away and give my son to another man.”

“He doesn’t mean anything to you, Elliot. He spent 87 days in the NICU and you didn’t visit him once! Not once!”

“That’s not true! I was there when he was born.”

“And then you left! He had surgery and your daughter held my hand for hours while we waited. Michael was there while we waited. Cragen and Finn and Munch were all there. Where were you?”

“I was here. Worried out of my mind that he wouldn’t make it. Calling the nurses every thirty minutes for updates. Olivia, I never abandoned him. I called Daniela every day for 87 days to get updates on him. I lied to my wife so that I could spend nights with him. I rocked him. I read him stories. I did his 2am feedings. I didn’t abandon him.”

“What?”

“I love him. He’s my son. Just because I can’t openly claim him, doesn’t mean I don’t want him.”

Olivia stares at him in shock. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I wasn’t supposed to! I’m not supposed to be his father. I’m not supposed to be involved. But I can’t…I can’t just abandon him all together. Plus, Maureen knows. Thanks for that by the way,” Elliot snarks.

“Don’t put that on me. She figured it out. I never told her a thing.”

“You didn’t try to hide it either.”

“How was I supposed to know all your kids had the same birthmark? You never told me! And you just said it wasn’t my fault.”

“I know what I said!” Elliot yells. He begins to pace back and forth.

Away and back.

Away and back.

“Don’t you think you’re jumping the gun here? I mean, who is this guy? Didn’t you just start seeing him. Now you want to marry him and give him my son?!” he yells.

“You don’t want your son!!!” she yells back. “No, I’m not planning on marrying Michael next week or even next year, but I want to make this work and I want a clean break. Us moving and starting over as a family is a chance for us to do that.”

“And what if you two don’t work out.”

“Then we don’t, but at least I’ll never have to wonder ‘what if’.”

“You’re not doing this! You’re not taking my son. I have rights!”

“You’re not even listed on his birth certificate. I looked into it and spoke with a lawyer, you have no rights.”

“I’m his father!”

“You’re his sperm donor! And now you have the same rights as one.”

“You know I’m more than that!”

“Are you? You’ve made it clear where you stood.”

“Olivia, please. Don’t do this. Don’t take him away from me.”

“Why shouldn’t I? If I stay, then what? Are you going to be involved? Are you going to be his father? Change some diapers. Take him to ball games. Teach him how to ride a bike. Are you going to be there for him?!”

“I don’t know, Olivia.”

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t! I can’t tell Kathy about him. She will never forgive me.” 

Olivia softens. As much as she may despise him at this point in time, she can’t bring herself to not feel for him in his plight, but most of all she doesn’t want to hurt Kathy and she doesn’t want to hurt his kids. They didn’t deserve this. None of them did. “Elliot… I can’t have you in and out of his life as you please or as your wife allows. This is what’s best for everyone involved. I can move on with Michael and you can be here, happy with Kathy. She’ll never have to know.”

“A piece of paper isn’t going to change the fact that he has my blood running through his veins. He’s my son Olivia, you can’t just sign him away.”

“I can’t? I can’t give him a father that’s been there for him and wants him and wants to be in his life? But you can abandon him in every other way and still demand to be treated like his father? You can’t have it both ways, Elliot. Either you’re his father or not.”

“I can’t do it, Liv. Whether you believe it or not, I love him. I can’t just let you sign him away. I won’t do it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that if this is what you’re planning on doing then I’m hiring a lawyer and establishing my rights.”

“Excuse me? Now? Now you want to be his father? You haven’t even seen him in months!

“That doesn’t matter. He’s my son. He has my blood flowing through his veins and I’m going to fight for him. I’m sorry, Liv.”

“Yea, me too.”

*

“I mean can you believe him?!” Olivia rants as she paces back and forth in her bedroom. On the bed Michael watches her with lust filled eyes. His head, propped up on his arm as his eyes travel down her underwear clad body. Black lace accentuates her frame and he feels himself begin to harden at the thought of removing it. “’He can’t do it. He’s had all this time to make up his mind and now he wants to be a father? Wait, no, he doesn’t. He just doesn’t want you to be. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. That chauvinistic son of bitch. I can belie-” Olivia pauses and catches the way Michael eyes her with his teeth sunken into his lower lip. “Are you even listening to me?”

Michael’s head snaps up. “Huh? Oh. Yes. Elliot is a son of bitch.” 

“Uh huh. What else did I say,” she asks as she brings her hand to her hip.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t listening. I don’t know how you expect me to concentrate on anything when you’re standing there. In that. C’mere,” he reaches for her and she goes to him willingly and straddles his waist. She can feel him hard against her middle.

“I need you to listen to me.”

“Babe,” he says as he unhooks her bra and slides it down her arms. “I’m listening, but what do you want me to say?”

“I want you to tell me what to do,” she moans when she feels his lips against her neck.

“Olivia, you’re a smart, beautiful, sexy woman,” he punctuates each affirmation with a kiss down her neck. He slides his hand inside her panties. “Who knows way more about this than you think,” he whispers against her lips. His fingers slide inside her causing her to gasp. “What would you tell a woman in your position?”

She wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him close. She kisses him soundly on the mouth. “I’d tell her to shut up and worry about it later.”

*

Elliot sits outside his house in his car in Queens. He watches Kathy through their kitchen window as she washes dishes in the sink. He remembers a time when they would do them together. She would wash and he would dry. They’d flirt and laugh while the kids entertained themselves. There was something intimate about it. It was a much simpler time and it was a few moments of romance shared between them. She laughs at something one of the kids has said. Probably Dickie. Neither he nor any of his daughters understand his rambunctious son’s quirky sense of humor, but it amuses Kathy. Brings a light to her eyes and a smile to her face. He holds onto that smile because he knows it may be the last time he ever sees it. It all depends on what he decides. 

On the seat beside him lays an envelope with papers he was served today. Olivia found a way to force his hand. She was officially taking him to court to establish paternity and then officially sever his parental rights. There’s no way he can hide this from Kathy so now he must decide between his wife and his child.

Skisméno.

Torn.

He remembers coming across the word when he studied the story of Solomon. Supposedly the wisest man in the world, yet believed having over a hundred wives was a great idea, and as if that wasn’t enough he still managed to fall for Bathsheba, a married woman, as she bathed late in the night. He watched her. Admired her. Desired her, much like he had Olivia. Solomon had Bathsheba the way he had Olivia, and just like in the story Olivia had wound up pregnant with his child. Suddenly Solomon found himself in a predicament much like the one he was in now. Torn between what was right and what was easy, for Bathsheba had a husband in the army. Fighting for his king. Solomon was wise, and he found a way to do away with Bathsheba’s husband by putting him on the front lines.

His problem wasn’t so easy to solve. 

He loves his wife and he knows her. He’s known her since he was seventeen years old, when she walked into his English class and sat in the seat in front of him. She had been by his side ever since. She had loved him through tours in the marines that kept him away for months at a time. She had built his home and bore his children and loved him when no one else would. She was a good wife. She was his wife, so he knows her. He knows her better than he knows himself and he knows that this will do more than hurt her. It will tear her apart inside. Knowing that he had been with another woman, and not just any woman.

Olivia.

For years she had accused him of being attracted to her. Of having feelings for her, and he had denied it. He had reassured her over and over again that he was in love with her and only her, and had only thought of Olivia in a professional way. He had lied. Because for years he had watched her. He had learned her. He had wanted her and then he had her and now they had Jacob. 

Jacob.

There is no way he can explain away his feelings when Jacob is involved. He was the innocent one in all this. Born into a world of chaos and turmoil and forced to fight for his life in it. He’d done it. For 87 days he’d climb every hurdle and overcome every obstacle thrown in his way. He was strong. He was a Stabler. He was his son and he loves him more than he will ever be able to describe. What no one understands it that it kills him to be away from him everyday. It kills him to have to deny him when he has his eyes, and his chin, and his ears, and his mouth and now his smile. It kills him to have to keep his distance when his arms desperately ache to hold him. 

Solomon hadn’t gotten away scott free; the guilt had plagued him for weeks the same way it plagued him now. His child had paid the price of his parents’ indiscretion the way Jacob almost had. Elliot guesses he’ll be just as lucky as Solomon.

He still hasn’t decided. He can sign the papers and everything will all go away quietly. Or he can tell his wife and watch his marriage crumble. He knows what his decision will ultimately have to be, but he hasn’t yet come to terms with the pain of the sacrifice.

So he sits.

He watches.

And prays.


	9. Genesis

Chapter 10-Genesis

Elliot reaches blindly for his phone as it rings on his night stand. He forces his eyes to adjust to the light as he glances at the caller ID. He’s surprised to see ‘Liv’ on his screen. “Yea, Liv,” he answers.

“I’m outside can you open your door?”

“What?” he checks the time. It’s only just after 11. 

“Outside. Hurry up, I have Jacob with me.”

“Ok. I’m coming hold on.” He throws the sheets off of him and stumbles out of bed. He pads down the darkened hallway and opens the door to find Olivia standing with a bundled up Jacob in one arm and a diaper bag in the other. “Hey,” he greets. “How’d you get up here?”

“Someone propped the door open downstairs.”

“Well that’s comforting.”

“Here,” she hands him the diaper bag. “There’s enough milk in there to last you two days and I’ve already arranged for Michelle to come here in the morning. She has a key so she’ll be able to come and get more if she needs. I know you said you had some clothes and diapers and everything here for him, but I don’t know how much you have so I packed some extra just in case. Every now and then he likes to do that explosive poop thing that gets everywhere so it’s good to have extra.”

“Wait what’s going on?”

She hands Jacob to him. “I’m sick. And I don’t want him catching whatever I have with his health issues.”

“I thought it was just a cough?”

“I did too, but I feel like shit and I really think I’m coming down with something so I need you to take him for a few days while I fight this off.”

He looks at her then and notices she is a bit flushed and her voice is nasaly like she’s suddenly unable to breathe through her nose. “Umm, Liv. The last time I did this it didn’t go so well.”

“That’s because he was sick and you didn’t know what you were doing. I put the notebook in there with instructions, numbers, everything you need to know about him. It’s in there. After your last attempt I agreed that I needed to write some things down for you. Plus, Michelle will be here and she knows his schedule so you should be fine.”

“Ok,” he says hesitantly.

“He woke up on the way here, but he’s pretty tired. You shouldn’t have any trouble getting him to sleep. Just put him down with his blanket and his pacifier he should go right to sleep.”

“Alright.”

“And you need to get a stroller so Michelle can take him on walks.”

“Why didn’t you just bring yours.”

“Because mines goes with his car seat and you have your own. Plus not having to pass the stroller back and forth will make switching easier. Wait, why am I explaining this to you? Just get one!”

“I’ll get right on that.”

“I’m serious, Elliot.”

“Ok, Olivia. I got it. Stroller. I will pick one up tomorrow after work.”

“Good. Bye Honey,” she waves at Jacob. “Call me if you have any problems.”

“I will.” He watches her walk down the hall then closes and locks the door. He makes his back to his bedroom where he removes Jacob’s jacket and hat. He finds that Olivia has already dressed him in his sleeper so he’s already ready for bed. “So you already have your pacifier,” Elliot says as he lays Jacob in his crib. “So I just need…” He retrieve’s his blanket from the diaper bag and lays it beside him. “So you should be good now.” Jacob simply stares. “I know you and I didn’t get off to the best start last time, but I think we should start over. I’m Elliot. I’m your dad.” Jacob sucks on his pacifier and continues to stare. “Not the talkative type I see. Alright, let me put this milk away and I’ll be right back.” Elliot takes the milk from the bag and places it in the fridge. He returns to find Jacob already fast asleep. His blanket clutched firmly in his little hand. “I think this is going to work,” Elliot says before climbing back into bed and going back to sleep.

xXx

“Hey, Elliot have you heard from Liv lately?”

“The nanny said she’s called in to check on the baby, but I haven’t heard from her. Why?”

“It’s been a couple days and I haven’t heard a word from her.”

“I’ll stop by her place and check on her. I need to grab more clothes Jacob anyway. He did this explosive poop thing yesterday and Michelle says he’s down to his last onsie.”

“Who’s Michelle?” Fin asks.

“The nanny,” Elliot replies as if it were obvious.

“Well check on her and let me know how she’s doing.”

“Will do Cap.”

xXx

Elliot knocks on the door and when there is no answer he uses the key to open the door. “Liv!” he calls when he steps inside. His only response is the sound of her coughing. He walks down the hall to her bedroom and gasps when he sees her. She looks like death. Her skin is pale and her hair is a mess. Tissues are scattered around her He approaches her bed to where she lays with the sheets tangled around her. “Hey,” he says softly as he brushes her hair away from her face. Olivia opens her eyes briefly then closes them before another coughing fit starts. She coughs so hard it scares him, so he reaches for his phone. 

“What are you doing?” she asks between coughs.

“Calling Cragen. Letting him know I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“No, I’m fine.”

“You are NOT fine.”

“It’s just the flu. I’ll be ok.”

“People die from the flu, Liv. I’m going to take you and everything’s going to be ok,” he says to her as she starts to cough again. This time when she pulls her hand away blood can be seen on the tissue she holds in her hand. “Alright, I’m calling 911,” he hangs up the call with Cragen before he can answer and dials 911.

“911 what’s your emergency?”

“Hi this is Detective Stabler badge number 6313. I need a bus, Now!”

xXx

Elliot paces the hospital waiting room while he waits for someone to come and speak to him. They’re performing tests. Halfway to the hospital she began coughing again and spit up more blood. She then started gasping for air and stopped breathing after that. He and the EMT had taken turns performing CPR, but they hadn’t been able to get her back before they reached the hospital. She was alive now. He knew that because they had told him before they took her to have tests done. They told him to wait outside the ICU until they came and got him. That was almost two hours ago.

“Mr. Stabler?”

“Yes,” he answers eagerly.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Miles,” he holds out a hand and the two men shake hands.

“How is she?”

“Stable, but not out of the woods yet.”

“Is she going to be ok?”

“We believe so. Ms. Benson has a nasty case of pneumonia. Her lungs were so full of fluid that they were no longer able to expand. That’s why she stopped breathing, but we were able to get her back and started on some antibiotics. Right now we’re going to monitor her condition closely and hope she pulls through.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much for your help.”

“Don’t thank me. From what I hear you’re the hero here. You performed CPR on her?”

“Yea with the EMT in the back of the bus.”

“You helped save her life. She does have a couple cracked ribs, but those will heal.”

“She’s going to be fine though, right?”

“Only time will tell.”

“Can I see her?”

“Yes, she’s in room 208.”

“Thank you.”

Elliot makes his way to Olivia’s hospital room and takes a seat beside her bed. She stirs slightly.

“Hey,” Elliot greets and takes her hand in his.

She moves the breathing mask down off her face. “ ‘s Jacob?” she slurs.

“He’s at home with Maureen.”

“He ok?”

“Yea, he’s fine. You have nothing to worry about,” he says and places the mask back on her face for her.

“Mmm K,” she sighs and is back to sleep.

xXx

Days later Elliot walks into Olivia’s bedroom carrying Jacob in one hand and a bowl of soup in the other. Olivia smiles at the sight of her son. She turns off the TV and sits up before taking the bowl from Elliot.

“Thank you,” she rasps.

“How you feeling?”

“Tired, but better,” she lifts a spoonful of tomato soup to her mouth.

Elliot takes a seat on the side of her bed and shifts Jacob into his lap. The baby immediately reaches for Olivia. She places the soup on her bedside table and takes her son into her arms. Jacob smiles now content to be in his mother’s embrace. Olivia hugs him and kisses the top of his head.

“He missed you,” Elliot muses. He takes her bowl of soup into his hands and lifts a spoonful to her mouth. “You need to eat.” She takes the proffered spoonful.

“Thanks. How’s he been?”

“Great. He’s a different baby when he’s not sick.”

“He is,” Olivia agrees.

“What have you two been up to?”

“Well, we just finished some of the exercises the physical therapist left for us. She said he’s doing great by the way.”

“That’s good.”

Elliot offers another spoonful and she takes it. “Then we had some tummy time. After this I’m going to get him ready for bed.”

“Ok. Make sure you read to him.”

“I will.”

“The books say it’s very important for his development.”

“I know, Liv. I’ve been reading them too.”

She takes another offered spoonful of soup. “Thank you so much for your help with him. For taking him and everything.”

“I’m his father, Liv. You don’t have to thank me. It’s what I’m here for.”

“Thank you anyway. And for saving my life the other day.”

“Liv-”

“No, if you hadn’t shown up when you did there’s no telling where I would be right now.”

“I should have checked on you sooner. I should have never allowed you to get that bad.”

“Elliot, it’s not your fault.”

“It is. Olivia you’re the mother of my son and you were sick. I should have checked on you several times a day.”

“Elliot, I’m not your responsibility.”

“No, but we’re parents Liv. We’re family now and that means we’re supposed to look out for each other.”

“You’ve always been my family, El.”

“And you’ve always been mine, but now you’re the mother of my child. I don’t know about you, but that means something to me. You’re more important to me now than you’ve ever been and no matter what you and I may be going through it’s my duty as Jacob’s father to be there for you and I dropped the ball…again.”

“You were there when I needed you, just like you’ve always been. And that’s all that matters to me.”

Elliot nods in understanding and offers her another spoonful of soup.

xXx

“C’mon partner let’s go grab a bite to eat,” Fin says from his desk, that is now conveniently across from hers.

Olivia looks up from her paperwork. “I’d love to Fin, but I need to get home and relieve the nanny. She’s going on her tenth hour now.”

“Actually, I wanted to spend some time with him,” Elliot says as he passes by her desk. “Mind if I pick him up?”

“Sure,” she says softly. She doesn’t really want to let Elliot have Jacob for the night, since Michael is gone getting home to him is the only thing she really has to look forward to, but she can’t justify keeping Jacob from him just to use him as an emotional crutch.

“Thanks. Anything you want me to tell Allyssa?” he asks as he pulls his coat on.

“Only that I’m sorry for keeping her so late.”

“I’m sure she’s used to it by now, but I’ll let her know.”

“Thanks.”

“See you guys tomorrow,” Elliot says as he leaves the squad room.

“So it looks like you’re free.”

“I don’t know Fin…”

“You sure? I’ll let you pick the restaurant. And I’m buying.” 

“You never bought me dinner when we were partners,” Munch pipes up from his desk.

“When you look like her, I’ll buy you dinner.”

Olivia raises an eyebrow in interest. “You’re buying?”

“Once in a lifetime offer here.”

“When you put it that way, I guess I can’t pass up this opportunity,” Olivia says and stands. 

“Exactly,” Fin chimes, standing from his own desk. “So where we going?”

“Have you heard of Cuban fusion?”

Fin frowns. “I’m not tryna to eat anything weird.”

“Trust me, Partner.”

xXx

“So what happened between you and Elliot,” Fin asks as he takes a sip of the beer in his hands.

Olivia shifts uncomfortably in the leather booth. Up until this point dinner had been just what she needed. The conversation had been easy and fun. The food had been amazing. A seven layer chocolate cake sits between them and Fin uses his fork to cut off a bite sized piece. “How long have you been waiting to ask me that?” Olivia asks as she takes a sip of her wine.

“Since you finally told us you were pregnant.”

Olivia sighs. Everyone now knows that Elliot is Jacob’s father, though in a building full of detectives she’s sure they all knew long before she told them. “We got drunk. We had sex. I got pregnant.”

“So that’s all that happened?”

“Yea. What? You thought we had some long sordid affair?” 

“I mean…” Fin shrugs.

“Well we didn’t. It happened once and we both decided it was a mistake and that it would never happen again.”

“So why hide it for so long?”

“Other than the fact that it was nobody’s business?” Fin puts his hands up defensively. Olivia takes another sip of wine. “He didn’t want his wife to know.”

Fin nods knowingly. “I can understand that, but what about you?”

Olivia shrugs. “I didn’t want to be home wrecker, and in the end. I would have Jacob, and that was all that really mattered to me.”

“Weren’t you mad?”

“Of course I was mad. I was furious, but… I felt guilty about what happened between us and I think that’s part of the reason I stayed quiet for so long.”

“Hey, you weren’t the only one that messed up. At the end of the day, he’s the one with a wedding ring on his finger.”

“Not anymore.”

“That’s not your fault,” Olivia gives him a knowing look. “I mean sleeping with him didn’t help, but at the end of the day his marriage is his responsibility.” 

“I guess. What gave us away?”

“Him.”

“Him?”

“The more he tried to ignore the fact that you were pregnant the more obvious it was. Elliot’s always been…a bit possessive of you.” 

“How?”

“It’s hard to explain, but he’s always made it clear that he was your partner and if anyone wanted to get to you, they’d have to go through him. Even if it was just to say hi.” Olivia laughs. “But when you were pregnant, we all expected him to be more possessive. More protective and he wasn’t. Then when Jacob was born, he distanced himself even more. That sent up a bunch of red flags.” 

“Well it’s good to know you guys are good at your jobs,” she picks up her glass and drains what’s left of her wine.

“So what now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you guys going to get together?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Well his divorce is almost final. You’re single. You guys have a baby together.”

“And? That means we should get together.”

“It’s the next logical step.”

“All I want to do right now is get along with him so that we can raise our son together and that’s what we’re doing.”

“He has feelings for you, you know.”

“How do you know?”

“Well, like you just said, I’m good at my job.”

xXx

Elliot uses his key to open the door to Olivia’s apartment. He holds Jacob against his chest and the baby rests his head on his shoulder. “Liv,” Elliot calls.

“Yea,” he hears a faint voice call back. 

He recognizes that it’s coming from the living room then heads there. “Hey,” he says when he sees her. 

Olivia lays on the couch, a light blanket covering her legs. She quickly sits up and swipes away the tears from her eyes. “What are you guys doing here?”

“I thought you’d like it if he slept here tonight,” Elliot perches on the edge of the couch and passes her the sleeping baby. 

Olivia takes him into her arms and rests him against her chest. She removes his hat and kisses his forehead. “Thank you.”

“He’s all set for bed. I fed him, bathed him, and read him a story. I was hoping he would be more awake when we got here, but he started falling asleep on the walk over.”

“Walk? You walked here from your apartment?”

“Yea, it’s a nice night out. I figured it would be nice to walk.”

“Elliot, he has RSV. He can’t be out in the cold like that.”

“I put a jacket and hat on him.”

“Still.”

“Fine. I’ll drive him the two blocks next time.” Elliot watches as Olivia holds their baby close and rubs his back. The sadness evident in her eyes. “Liv?”

“Yea?”

“What happened with you and Michael? Maybe you guys can fix it.”

“He moved to Baltimore for a job.”

“He left you for a job?”

“His dream job. Chief of Pediatric Surgery over at Hopkins.”

“Still.”

“Working SVU was my dream job. Would you expect me to give up SVU after just making detective for him?” 

Elliot’s silence is the answer. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

“Me too.”

“Here, let me put him down for you.”

“Thanks,”

Elliot takes a now sleeping Jacob and heads to the nursery. Olivia removes the blanket and turns so that her feet now touch the floor. It’s about time she heads to bed herself. She rubs the back of her neck as she waits for Elliot to return.

“Alright, he’s all set,” Elliot says as he emerges from the hallway and comes to stand in front of her. She looks at him and there’s something different in her eyes. She tilts her head to the side and he can tell that she there’s something that she wants to say. “What?” he asks.

“Nothing. Wanna beer or something?”

“You have beer?”

“Michael’s.”

“He drink anything good?”

“Heinekin ok?”

“Yea, but I’ll grab it.” He walks to the kitchen and takes one of the two remaining beers in her fridge. He uses the bottle opener magnet on her fridge to pop the cap before joining in her on the couch. Taking a swig along the way. “So how was dinner with Fin?”

“Enlightening.”

“Really? Why what did he say.”

“Not much. Just that you and I should be together.”

He chuckles. “What makes him think that?” Olivia shrugs but eyes him from her end of the couch. “What?”

Olivia sits up and takes the beer from him and drains what’s left in the bottle then places the empty bottle on her glass coffee table. She climbs over and straddles his lap. She kisses him gently. Hesitantly. Testing, feeling. He kisses her back and when his lips parts she slides her tongue out to meet his. Her finger slides up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck and to hold him to her. Her hands slide his jacket off his broad shoulders while his hands wrap around her slim waist to rest on the warm skin at the small of her back. He removes the jacket and tosses it on the floor. She tugs at his t-shirt and he raises his arms to aid her. The t-shirt hits the floor followed by her own, leaving her bare chest open to his assault. He fills his hands with her breast as he trails kisses down the column of her neck. She rocks her body against his and moans when he slides a hand into her shorts. He stands and quickly undoes his zipper and his belt then pushes them with his briefs to pool around his legs. He stands before her aroused and she can’t help but notice how beautiful he is. He’s all hard muscle, but his skin is smooth and soft. She stands and pushes him down onto the couch before removing her own shorts and straddling his waist. She moans as she takes him inside her and her arms wrap around his neck. He meets her kiss when she pulls him to her as her hips rock against. He holds her ass in his hands and pulls her hard against his member causing her to cry out in extasy. She moves her hips faster over him and he groans as he enjoys the hot wetness of her. He can feel her orgasm build. It’s evident in the way she holds him tighter, kisses him harder, and throbs against him. She breaks their kiss and he can feel the warmth of her breath as she pants against his ear. She slides a hand down and touches herself causing her to comes hard and fast, sinking her teeth into his neck. 

Elliot twists and flips her down onto the couch. He steps out of his jeans and underwear and rotates her to face him. Their eyes lock when she looks up at him and he lowers his lips find hers in the dim lighting and he trails his kisses down her body until he kneels before her. The first time had been rushed and in haze of alcohol and lust. As a result he doesn’t remember much. The second time had been no better. This time he wants to do it right. He wants to take his time to kiss and caress every square in of her body. Tomorrow he wants to remember exactly what made her quiver and next week he wants to look at her from across their desks and remember how she moaned when he took a beaded nipple between his lips. The next time she walks by him and the scent of her lingers in the air, he wants to know that it’s her shampoo that smells so good and not her perfume. He already knows that her perfume is strongest at the base of her neck. As his lips descend on the flat plane between her breasts he can feel the vibration for her heart racing inside her chest. He kisses her bellybutton and is reminded of the time he first felt their son growing inside her. He kisses the inside of her thigh and he finds the softness of her skin comforting. The next time he watches her type he’ll remember how it felt when she ran her fingers through his hair as he slid his tongue through her sex. The sweetness of her will forever linger on his tongue. The next time he sees her finger grip her glock, he’ll remember how it felt to have those same fingers curled around his dick. He sinks back into her and picks up where they left off. He isn’t gentle, but she doesn’t seem to mind. He places the palms of his hands against her thighs, opening her further to him and allowing him to sink deeper into her depths. He hooks her legs over his arms and wraps his fingers around her waist. He pulls her hard against him over and over again. He shows no restraint as his body pounds into hers. The sound of their bodies slapping against each other echoes into the night. She cries out in pleasure and meets him thrust for thrust and he finds himself falling even more in love with her. He can feel a familiar tightening in his balls, but he holds on. 

“Cum for me, Baby. Cum for me,” he pants.

“Fuck,” she yells out.

Never will he forget how good it feels to be inside her. Neither the warmth or the wetness of her.

Never will he forget how good it feels to have Olivia Benson cum around him. 

He comes with her, spilling his seed inside her. He releases her legs and sits on the floor as he fights to get air into his lungs. She shits up and runs her fingers through her sweat dampen hair. She stands on shaky legs and he braces himself for the heartbreak and awkwardness when she tells him to leave. She heads towards her bedroom, but pauses as she reaches the hallway and turns to him. 

“You coming or not?”

He gets up follows behind her and he reaches her room door just as she lays down and looks to him to join her. He closes the door and silently crosses the room in the darkness to her side. He covers her naked form with his own and easily settles between her thighs. His lips touch hers and she reaches between them and guides him into her. Never will he forget the feeling of having her legs wrapped around his waist and her nails rake down his back.   
Never, would he forget.

xXx

Elliot groans as he pushes inside her. Sweat rolls down his back as he feels her tighten around him. He’s going to come and he wants her to come with him. He reaches between them and flicks his thumb over her sensitive nub. She moans out load when she breaks around him and he follows suit behind her. He rests his sweat covered forehead against her shoulder for a moment before he rolls off her and both lay side by side panting for air.

Olivia rolls away from him and checks her phone. There’s a text from Michael.

I miss you.

She sighs before texting him back.

Me too.

“Who is it?” Elliot asks. He knows exactly who it is, but he asks anyway. Just to see what she’ll say.

“It’s Michael,” she answers.

“What’d he want?”

“He just says he misses me.”

“What did you text back?”

“That I miss him too.”

Elliot nods. “You know, Liv, if you want to be with him. You can go. We can work something out with Jacob.”

Olivia turns to him. “I thought you wanted to be involved in his life?”

“I do, but I want you to be happy and if he makes you happy then you should be with him.”

Olivia sits up and pulls the sheet around her chest. “But what about Jacob? You would just give him up like that? I thought you wanted to be his father?”

“I never said I was giving up my son. We can figure something out. I can come up for weekends or we can trade of weeks here and there. I can’t help but feel guilty. Like it’s my fault you aren’t together and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to be the reason you’re not happy.”

“I’m fine, Elliot. I’m a little sad, but I know I made the right choice. Jacob has to come first, and him having a relationship with you is more important to me than me having a relationship with Michael. I loved him, and it hurts to not be with him, but I don’t regret my decision.”

“So what about us?” It’s the question he’s been dying to ask since they first rekindled their sexual relationship nearly a month ago. He hates to admit it, but he’s gotten used to it. Coming home to her every night. Spending time with their son. Feeding him, bathing him, then putting him to bed before falling into bed themselves. The sex has been amazing and they’ve fallen into a routine of sorts that he finds himself looking forward to, but they haven’t discussed anything. They’ve gone with the flow and for the most part it’s worked for them.

“What about us?”

“Well what exactly are we doing?”

“Isn’t that my line?”

“Liv, c’mon.”

She sighs and sinks back against the headboard of her bed. She runs her fingers through her hair as she draws her knees up to her chest. “I thought this was working.”

“It is working, but, what are we? Are we people with a kid that fool around or are we something more?”

“Do you want us to be something more?”

“Yea,” he answers without hesitation.

“Elliot…I don’t know if I’m ready for that. Especially with you.”

His heart sinks. “Ok.”

“But I like what we have now.”

“Ok,” he nods, but says nothing more. Suddenly he feels awkward. Like he shouldn’t be here. “I think I’m going to go,” he says after a moment and stands to retrieve his clothes from the floor. He quickly pulls them on.

“Elliot-”

“Night, Liv. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Elliot!” she calls to his retreating form.


	10. Genesis

Chapter 10-Genesis

Elliot reaches blindly for his phone as it rings on his night stand. He forces his eyes to adjust to the light as he glances at the caller ID. He’s surprised to see ‘Liv’ on his screen. “Yea, Liv,” he answers.

“I’m outside can you open your door?”

“What?” he checks the time. It’s only just after 11. 

“Outside. Hurry up, I have Jacob with me.”

“Ok. I’m coming hold on.” He throws the sheets off of him and stumbles out of bed. He pads down the darkened hallway and opens the door to find Olivia standing with a bundled up Jacob in one arm and a diaper bag in the other. “Hey,” he greets. “How’d you get up here?”

“Someone propped the door open downstairs.”

“Well that’s comforting.”

“Here,” she hands him the diaper bag. “There’s enough milk in there to last you two days and I’ve already arranged for Michelle to come here in the morning. She has a key so she’ll be able to come and get more if she needs. I know you said you had some clothes and diapers and everything here for him, but I don’t know how much you have so I packed some extra just in case. Every now and then he likes to do that explosive poop thing that gets everywhere so it’s good to have extra.”

“Wait what’s going on?”

She hands Jacob to him. “I’m sick. And I don’t want him catching whatever I have with his health issues.”

“I thought it was just a cough?”

“I did too, but I feel like shit and I really think I’m coming down with something so I need you to take him for a few days while I fight this off.”

He looks at her then and notices she is a bit flushed and her voice is nasaly like she’s suddenly unable to breathe through her nose. “Umm, Liv. The last time I did this it didn’t go so well.”

“That’s because he was sick and you didn’t know what you were doing. I put the notebook in there with instructions, numbers, everything you need to know about him. It’s in there. After your last attempt I agreed that I needed to write some things down for you. Plus, Michelle will be here and she knows his schedule so you should be fine.”

“Ok,” he says hesitantly.

“He woke up on the way here, but he’s pretty tired. You shouldn’t have any trouble getting him to sleep. Just put him down with his blanket and his pacifier he should go right to sleep.”

“Alright.”

“And you need to get a stroller so Michelle can take him on walks.”

“Why didn’t you just bring yours.”

“Because mines goes with his car seat and you have your own. Plus not having to pass the stroller back and forth will make switching easier. Wait, why am I explaining this to you? Just get one!”

“I’ll get right on that.”

“I’m serious, Elliot.”

“Ok, Olivia. I got it. Stroller. I will pick one up tomorrow after work.”

“Good. Bye Honey,” she waves at Jacob. “Call me if you have any problems.”

“I will.” He watches her walk down the hall then closes and locks the door. He makes his back to his bedroom where he removes Jacob’s jacket and hat. He finds that Olivia has already dressed him in his sleeper so he’s already ready for bed. “So you already have your pacifier,” Elliot says as he lays Jacob in his crib. “So I just need…” He retrieve’s his blanket from the diaper bag and lays it beside him. “So you should be good now.” Jacob simply stares. “I know you and I didn’t get off to the best start last time, but I think we should start over. I’m Elliot. I’m your dad.” Jacob sucks on his pacifier and continues to stare. “Not the talkative type I see. Alright, let me put this milk away and I’ll be right back.” Elliot takes the milk from the bag and places it in the fridge. He returns to find Jacob already fast asleep. His blanket clutched firmly in his little hand. “I think this is going to work,” Elliot says before climbing back into bed and going back to sleep.

xXx

“Hey, Elliot have you heard from Liv lately?”

“The nanny said she’s called in to check on the baby, but I haven’t heard from her. Why?”

“It’s been a couple days and I haven’t heard a word from her.”

“I’ll stop by her place and check on her. I need to grab more clothes Jacob anyway. He did this explosive poop thing yesterday and Michelle says he’s down to his last onsie.”

“Who’s Michelle?” Fin asks.

“The nanny,” Elliot replies as if it were obvious.

“Well check on her and let me know how she’s doing.”

“Will do Cap.”

xXx

Elliot knocks on the door and when there is no answer he uses the key to open the door. “Liv!” he calls when he steps inside. His only response is the sound of her coughing. He walks down the hall to her bedroom and gasps when he sees her. She looks like death. Her skin is pale and her hair is a mess. Tissues are scattered around her He approaches her bed to where she lays with the sheets tangled around her. “Hey,” he says softly as he brushes her hair away from her face. Olivia opens her eyes briefly then closes them before another coughing fit starts. She coughs so hard it scares him, so he reaches for his phone. 

“What are you doing?” she asks between coughs.

“Calling Cragen. Letting him know I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“No, I’m fine.”

“You are NOT fine.”

“It’s just the flu. I’ll be ok.”

“People die from the flu, Liv. I’m going to take you and everything’s going to be ok,” he says to her as she starts to cough again. This time when she pulls her hand away blood can be seen on the tissue she holds in her hand. “Alright, I’m calling 911,” he hangs up the call with Cragen before he can answer and dials 911.

“911 what’s your emergency?”

“Hi this is Detective Stabler badge number 6313. I need a bus, Now!”

xXx

Elliot paces the hospital waiting room while he waits for someone to come and speak to him. They’re performing tests. Halfway to the hospital she began coughing again and spit up more blood. She then started gasping for air and stopped breathing after that. He and the EMT had taken turns performing CPR, but they hadn’t been able to get her back before they reached the hospital. She was alive now. He knew that because they had told him before they took her to have tests done. They told him to wait outside the ICU until they came and got him. That was almost two hours ago.

“Mr. Stabler?”

“Yes,” he answers eagerly.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Miles,” he holds out a hand and the two men shake hands.

“How is she?”

“Stable, but not out of the woods yet.”

“Is she going to be ok?”

“We believe so. Ms. Benson has a nasty case of pneumonia. Her lungs were so full of fluid that they were no longer able to expand. That’s why she stopped breathing, but we were able to get her back and started on some antibiotics. Right now we’re going to monitor her condition closely and hope she pulls through.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much for your help.”

“Don’t thank me. From what I hear you’re the hero here. You performed CPR on her?”

“Yea with the EMT in the back of the bus.”

“You helped save her life. She does have a couple cracked ribs, but those will heal.”

“She’s going to be fine though, right?”

“Only time will tell.”

“Can I see her?”

“Yes, she’s in room 208.”

“Thank you.”

Elliot makes his way to Olivia’s hospital room and takes a seat beside her bed. She stirs slightly.

“Hey,” Elliot greets and takes her hand in his.

She moves the breathing mask down off her face. “ ‘s Jacob?” she slurs.

“He’s at home with Maureen.”

“He ok?”

“Yea, he’s fine. You have nothing to worry about,” he says and places the mask back on her face for her.

“Mmm K,” she sighs and is back to sleep.

xXx

Days later Elliot walks into Olivia’s bedroom carrying Jacob in one hand and a bowl of soup in the other. Olivia smiles at the sight of her son. She turns off the TV and sits up before taking the bowl from Elliot.

“Thank you,” she rasps.

“How you feeling?”

“Tired, but better,” she lifts a spoonful of tomato soup to her mouth.

Elliot takes a seat on the side of her bed and shifts Jacob into his lap. The baby immediately reaches for Olivia. She places the soup on her bedside table and takes her son into her arms. Jacob smiles now content to be in his mother’s embrace. Olivia hugs him and kisses the top of his head.

“He missed you,” Elliot muses. He takes her bowl of soup into his hands and lifts a spoonful to her mouth. “You need to eat.” She takes the proffered spoonful.

“Thanks. How’s he been?”

“Great. He’s a different baby when he’s not sick.”

“He is,” Olivia agrees.

“What have you two been up to?”

“Well, we just finished some of the exercises the physical therapist left for us. She said he’s doing great by the way.”

“That’s good.”

Elliot offers another spoonful and she takes it. “Then we had some tummy time. After this I’m going to get him ready for bed.”

“Ok. Make sure you read to him.”

“I will.”

“The books say it’s very important for his development.”

“I know, Liv. I’ve been reading them too.”

She takes another offered spoonful of soup. “Thank you so much for your help with him. For taking him and everything.”

“I’m his father, Liv. You don’t have to thank me. It’s what I’m here for.”

“Thank you anyway. And for saving my life the other day.”

“Liv-”

“No, if you hadn’t shown up when you did there’s no telling where I would be right now.”

“I should have checked on you sooner. I should have never allowed you to get that bad.”

“Elliot, it’s not your fault.”

“It is. Olivia you’re the mother of my son and you were sick. I should have checked on you several times a day.”

“Elliot, I’m not your responsibility.”

“No, but we’re parents Liv. We’re family now and that means we’re supposed to look out for each other.”

“You’ve always been my family, El.”

“And you’ve always been mine, but now you’re the mother of my child. I don’t know about you, but that means something to me. You’re more important to me now than you’ve ever been and no matter what you and I may be going through it’s my duty as Jacob’s father to be there for you and I dropped the ball…again.”

“You were there when I needed you, just like you’ve always been. And that’s all that matters to me.”

Elliot nods in understanding and offers her another spoonful of soup.

xXx

“C’mon partner let’s go grab a bite to eat,” Fin says from his desk, that is now conveniently across from hers.

Olivia looks up from her paperwork. “I’d love to Fin, but I need to get home and relieve the nanny. She’s going on her tenth hour now.”

“Actually, I wanted to spend some time with him,” Elliot says as he passes by her desk. “Mind if I pick him up?”

“Sure,” she says softly. She doesn’t really want to let Elliot have Jacob for the night, since Michael is gone getting home to him is the only thing she really has to look forward to, but she can’t justify keeping Jacob from him just to use him as an emotional crutch.

“Thanks. Anything you want me to tell Allyssa?” he asks as he pulls his coat on.

“Only that I’m sorry for keeping her so late.”

“I’m sure she’s used to it by now, but I’ll let her know.”

“Thanks.”

“See you guys tomorrow,” Elliot says as he leaves the squad room.

“So it looks like you’re free.”

“I don’t know Fin…”

“You sure? I’ll let you pick the restaurant. And I’m buying.” 

“You never bought me dinner when we were partners,” Munch pipes up from his desk.

“When you look like her, I’ll buy you dinner.”

Olivia raises an eyebrow in interest. “You’re buying?”

“Once in a lifetime offer here.”

“When you put it that way, I guess I can’t pass up this opportunity,” Olivia says and stands. 

“Exactly,” Fin chimes, standing from his own desk. “So where we going?”

“Have you heard of Cuban fusion?”

Fin frowns. “I’m not tryna to eat anything weird.”

“Trust me, Partner.”

xXx

“So what happened between you and Elliot,” Fin asks as he takes a sip of the beer in his hands.

Olivia shifts uncomfortably in the leather booth. Up until this point dinner had been just what she needed. The conversation had been easy and fun. The food had been amazing. A seven layer chocolate cake sits between them and Fin uses his fork to cut off a bite sized piece. “How long have you been waiting to ask me that?” Olivia asks as she takes a sip of her wine.

“Since you finally told us you were pregnant.”

Olivia sighs. Everyone now knows that Elliot is Jacob’s father, though in a building full of detectives she’s sure they all knew long before she told them. “We got drunk. We had sex. I got pregnant.”

“So that’s all that happened?”

“Yea. What? You thought we had some long sordid affair?” 

“I mean…” Fin shrugs.

“Well we didn’t. It happened once and we both decided it was a mistake and that it would never happen again.”

“So why hide it for so long?”

“Other than the fact that it was nobody’s business?” Fin puts his hands up defensively. Olivia takes another sip of wine. “He didn’t want his wife to know.”

Fin nods knowingly. “I can understand that, but what about you?”

Olivia shrugs. “I didn’t want to be home wrecker, and in the end. I would have Jacob, and that was all that really mattered to me.”

“Weren’t you mad?”

“Of course I was mad. I was furious, but… I felt guilty about what happened between us and I think that’s part of the reason I stayed quiet for so long.”

“Hey, you weren’t the only one that messed up. At the end of the day, he’s the one with a wedding ring on his finger.”

“Not anymore.”

“That’s not your fault,” Olivia gives him a knowing look. “I mean sleeping with him didn’t help, but at the end of the day his marriage is his responsibility.” 

“I guess. What gave us away?”

“Him.”

“Him?”

“The more he tried to ignore the fact that you were pregnant the more obvious it was. Elliot’s always been…a bit possessive of you.” 

“How?”

“It’s hard to explain, but he’s always made it clear that he was your partner and if anyone wanted to get to you, they’d have to go through him. Even if it was just to say hi.” Olivia laughs. “But when you were pregnant, we all expected him to be more possessive. More protective and he wasn’t. Then when Jacob was born, he distanced himself even more. That sent up a bunch of red flags.” 

“Well it’s good to know you guys are good at your jobs,” she picks up her glass and drains what’s left of her wine.

“So what now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you guys going to get together?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Well his divorce is almost final. You’re single. You guys have a baby together.”

“And? That means we should get together.”

“It’s the next logical step.”

“All I want to do right now is get along with him so that we can raise our son together and that’s what we’re doing.”

“He has feelings for you, you know.”

“How do you know?”

“Well, like you just said, I’m good at my job.”

xXx

Elliot uses his key to open the door to Olivia’s apartment. He holds Jacob against his chest and the baby rests his head on his shoulder. “Liv,” Elliot calls.

“Yea,” he hears a faint voice call back. 

He recognizes that it’s coming from the living room then heads there. “Hey,” he says when he sees her. 

Olivia lays on the couch, a light blanket covering her legs. She quickly sits up and swipes away the tears from her eyes. “What are you guys doing here?”

“I thought you’d like it if he slept here tonight,” Elliot perches on the edge of the couch and passes her the sleeping baby. 

Olivia takes him into her arms and rests him against her chest. She removes his hat and kisses his forehead. “Thank you.”

“He’s all set for bed. I fed him, bathed him, and read him a story. I was hoping he would be more awake when we got here, but he started falling asleep on the walk over.”

“Walk? You walked here from your apartment?”

“Yea, it’s a nice night out. I figured it would be nice to walk.”

“Elliot, he has RSV. He can’t be out in the cold like that.”

“I put a jacket and hat on him.”

“Still.”

“Fine. I’ll drive him the two blocks next time.” Elliot watches as Olivia holds their baby close and rubs his back. The sadness evident in her eyes. “Liv?”

“Yea?”

“What happened with you and Michael? Maybe you guys can fix it.”

“He moved to Baltimore for a job.”

“He left you for a job?”

“His dream job. Chief of Pediatric Surgery over at Hopkins.”

“Still.”

“Working SVU was my dream job. Would you expect me to give up SVU after just making detective for him?” 

Elliot’s silence is the answer. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

“Me too.”

“Here, let me put him down for you.”

“Thanks,”

Elliot takes a now sleeping Jacob and heads to the nursery. Olivia removes the blanket and turns so that her feet now touch the floor. It’s about time she heads to bed herself. She rubs the back of her neck as she waits for Elliot to return.

“Alright, he’s all set,” Elliot says as he emerges from the hallway and comes to stand in front of her. She looks at him and there’s something different in her eyes. She tilts her head to the side and he can tell that she there’s something that she wants to say. “What?” he asks.

“Nothing. Wanna beer or something?”

“You have beer?”

“Michael’s.”

“He drink anything good?”

“Heinekin ok?”

“Yea, but I’ll grab it.” He walks to the kitchen and takes one of the two remaining beers in her fridge. He uses the bottle opener magnet on her fridge to pop the cap before joining in her on the couch. Taking a swig along the way. “So how was dinner with Fin?”

“Enlightening.”

“Really? Why what did he say.”

“Not much. Just that you and I should be together.”

He chuckles. “What makes him think that?” Olivia shrugs but eyes him from her end of the couch. “What?”

Olivia sits up and takes the beer from him and drains what’s left in the bottle then places the empty bottle on her glass coffee table. She climbs over and straddles his lap. She kisses him gently. Hesitantly. Testing, feeling. He kisses her back and when his lips parts she slides her tongue out to meet his. Her finger slides up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck and to hold him to her. Her hands slide his jacket off his broad shoulders while his hands wrap around her slim waist to rest on the warm skin at the small of her back. He removes the jacket and tosses it on the floor. She tugs at his t-shirt and he raises his arms to aid her. The t-shirt hits the floor followed by her own, leaving her bare chest open to his assault. He fills his hands with her breast as he trails kisses down the column of her neck. She rocks her body against his and moans when he slides a hand into her shorts. He stands and quickly undoes his zipper and his belt then pushes them with his briefs to pool around his legs. He stands before her aroused and she can’t help but notice how beautiful he is. He’s all hard muscle, but his skin is smooth and soft. She stands and pushes him down onto the couch before removing her own shorts and straddling his waist. She moans as she takes him inside her and her arms wrap around his neck. He meets her kiss when she pulls him to her as her hips rock against. He holds her ass in his hands and pulls her hard against his member causing her to cry out in extasy. She moves her hips faster over him and he groans as he enjoys the hot wetness of her. He can feel her orgasm build. It’s evident in the way she holds him tighter, kisses him harder, and throbs against him. She breaks their kiss and he can feel the warmth of her breath as she pants against his ear. She slides a hand down and touches herself causing her to comes hard and fast, sinking her teeth into his neck. 

Elliot twists and flips her down onto the couch. He steps out of his jeans and underwear and rotates her to face him. Their eyes lock when she looks up at him and he lowers his lips find hers in the dim lighting and he trails his kisses down her body until he kneels before her. The first time had been rushed and in haze of alcohol and lust. As a result he doesn’t remember much. The second time had been no better. This time he wants to do it right. He wants to take his time to kiss and caress every square in of her body. Tomorrow he wants to remember exactly what made her quiver and next week he wants to look at her from across their desks and remember how she moaned when he took a beaded nipple between his lips. The next time she walks by him and the scent of her lingers in the air, he wants to know that it’s her shampoo that smells so good and not her perfume. He already knows that her perfume is strongest at the base of her neck. As his lips descend on the flat plane between her breasts he can feel the vibration for her heart racing inside her chest. He kisses her bellybutton and is reminded of the time he first felt their son growing inside her. He kisses the inside of her thigh and he finds the softness of her skin comforting. The next time he watches her type he’ll remember how it felt when she ran her fingers through his hair as he slid his tongue through her sex. The sweetness of her will forever linger on his tongue. The next time he sees her finger grip her glock, he’ll remember how it felt to have those same fingers curled around his dick. He sinks back into her and picks up where they left off. He isn’t gentle, but she doesn’t seem to mind. He places the palms of his hands against her thighs, opening her further to him and allowing him to sink deeper into her depths. He hooks her legs over his arms and wraps his fingers around her waist. He pulls her hard against him over and over again. He shows no restraint as his body pounds into hers. The sound of their bodies slapping against each other echoes into the night. She cries out in pleasure and meets him thrust for thrust and he finds himself falling even more in love with her. He can feel a familiar tightening in his balls, but he holds on. 

“Cum for me, Baby. Cum for me,” he pants.

“Fuck,” she yells out.

Never will he forget how good it feels to be inside her. Neither the warmth or the wetness of her.

Never will he forget how good it feels to have Olivia Benson cum around him. 

He comes with her, spilling his seed inside her. He releases her legs and sits on the floor as he fights to get air into his lungs. She shits up and runs her fingers through her sweat dampen hair. She stands on shaky legs and he braces himself for the heartbreak and awkwardness when she tells him to leave. She heads towards her bedroom, but pauses as she reaches the hallway and turns to him. 

“You coming or not?”

He gets up follows behind her and he reaches her room door just as she lays down and looks to him to join her. He closes the door and silently crosses the room in the darkness to her side. He covers her naked form with his own and easily settles between her thighs. His lips touch hers and she reaches between them and guides him into her. Never will he forget the feeling of having her legs wrapped around his waist and her nails rake down his back.   
Never, would he forget.

xXx

Elliot groans as he pushes inside her. Sweat rolls down his back as he feels her tighten around him. He’s going to come and he wants her to come with him. He reaches between them and flicks his thumb over her sensitive nub. She moans out load when she breaks around him and he follows suit behind her. He rests his sweat covered forehead against her shoulder for a moment before he rolls off her and both lay side by side panting for air.

Olivia rolls away from him and checks her phone. There’s a text from Michael.

I miss you.

She sighs before texting him back.

Me too.

“Who is it?” Elliot asks. He knows exactly who it is, but he asks anyway. Just to see what she’ll say.

“It’s Michael,” she answers.

“What’d he want?”

“He just says he misses me.”

“What did you text back?”

“That I miss him too.”

Elliot nods. “You know, Liv, if you want to be with him. You can go. We can work something out with Jacob.”

Olivia turns to him. “I thought you wanted to be involved in his life?”

“I do, but I want you to be happy and if he makes you happy then you should be with him.”

Olivia sits up and pulls the sheet around her chest. “But what about Jacob? You would just give him up like that? I thought you wanted to be his father?”

“I never said I was giving up my son. We can figure something out. I can come up for weekends or we can trade of weeks here and there. I can’t help but feel guilty. Like it’s my fault you aren’t together and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to be the reason you’re not happy.”

“I’m fine, Elliot. I’m a little sad, but I know I made the right choice. Jacob has to come first, and him having a relationship with you is more important to me than me having a relationship with Michael. I loved him, and it hurts to not be with him, but I don’t regret my decision.”

“So what about us?” It’s the question he’s been dying to ask since they first rekindled their sexual relationship nearly a month ago. He hates to admit it, but he’s gotten used to it. Coming home to her every night. Spending time with their son. Feeding him, bathing him, then putting him to bed before falling into bed themselves. The sex has been amazing and they’ve fallen into a routine of sorts that he finds himself looking forward to, but they haven’t discussed anything. They’ve gone with the flow and for the most part it’s worked for them.

“What about us?”

“Well what exactly are we doing?”

“Isn’t that my line?”

“Liv, c’mon.”

She sighs and sinks back against the headboard of her bed. She runs her fingers through her hair as she draws her knees up to her chest. “I thought this was working.”

“It is working, but, what are we? Are we people with a kid that fool around or are we something more?”

“Do you want us to be something more?”

“Yea,” he answers without hesitation.

“Elliot…I don’t know if I’m ready for that. Especially with you.”

His heart sinks. “Ok.”

“But I like what we have now.”

“Ok,” he nods, but says nothing more. Suddenly he feels awkward. Like he shouldn’t be here. “I think I’m going to go,” he says after a moment and stands to retrieve his clothes from the floor. He quickly pulls them on.

“Elliot-”

“Night, Liv. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Elliot!” she calls to his retreating form.


	11. Turmoil

Chapter 11-Turmoil

Olivia slides her key into the lock to Elliot’s apartment. It’s amazing how things can change in just a month. She closes and locks the door behind her and tosses her bag onto the chair before making a B-line to Elliot’s bedroom. He sleeps on his back with Jacob curled up on his chest. She smiles and uses her phone to snap a picture before heading to the bathroom. Her luffa hangs from the shower caddy that holds her body wash, shampoo, and conditioner. She showers quickly then heads back into his bedroom where she pulls some underwear from one of his drawers and slides them on before pulling on one of his old Marine Corp T-shirts. 

She walks over to the bed and lifts Jacob from his father’s chest. She cherishes the moment he curls into her. She kisses his forehead then lays him to sleep in his crib before climbing into bed beside Elliot. He rolls over and places his hand on her waist and pulls her closer to him. She kisses the corner of his mouth.

“You catch the bad guy?” he asks.

“No. Cragen sent us home to get some shut eye. Start fresh in the morning. How’d everything go with Jacob?”

“Not so good. Adamantly refused to go down.”

“Is that how he ended up sleeping on your chest?”

“Only place he would relax and go to sleep.” He slides a hand into her panties and attaches his lips to her neck. 

“He likes to cuddle,” she moans when he slides a finger inside her. 

“I’ll remember that next time. So I was thinking.”

“’Bout time,” he nips at her neck and she giggles. “You were thinking?”

“Kathleen has this art show coming up. I think we should go.”

“Why?”

“Well, Jacob is featured pretty heavily in it. I think it’s something you would like to see.”

“Do you?”

He pushes her panties to the side and slides inside her. His breath hitches. “Yes,” he whispers.

“And who’s going to be there?” She wraps her legs around his waist.

“Me,” he kisses her, “you,” another kiss, “Maybe, Maureen.” He presses inside her. She moans into his kiss. “Will you come with me?” he asks and she knows he’s no longer talking about the show.

“Yes.” 

It’s her answer to both questions.

xXx

Olivia gazes at a picture of her son being fed cereal by Lizzie and can’t help but smile. Below the photo says ‘Hope’. Beside it, a close up of Jacob asleep. The caption below says ‘Peace.’ The show is a series of different photos of her son in various places with various things. All of them are powerful and moving in their own way. The final installment of photos are in a corner with a plaque that says ‘Family’. “These are really great,” she says to Elliot. He stands beside her with Jacob hanging from a sling around his chest.

“Yea, never knew she was so talented.”

She nudges him. “You sound like a proud papa.”

“I am. Look at this,” he points to a photo where Jacob laughs at a funny face Dickie is making. Below it says ‘Joy.’ “I’m going to go congratulate her.”

“Ok, I think I’m going to keep looking,” she says and makes her rounds to each photo. There’s a picture of Jacob crying while Maureen tries to console him. Below the photo says ‘Pain.’ The next photo is picture of Jacob holding onto a finger she assumes is Kathleen’s. Below it says ‘Trust.’ The photo across from it is a photo of Elliot asleep in his favorite recliner. Jacob sleeps against his chest while Elliot lays a hand on his back. Beneath the photo says ‘Love.’ It’s her favorite thus far. Beside it is the final photo and it’s a selfie of Kathleen and Jacob, both smile brightly at the camera. This photo is in color as opposed to the others in Black and White except for the eyes of those showcased in each photo. Below it says, ‘Thank You.’

“He’s a cutie,” a familiar voice says from behind her.

Olivia turns slowly to face the angry blue eyes of Kathy Stabler. “Thank you,” she says meekly.

“You know, I wasn’t going to come to this. Not after hearing who Kathleen decided to focus on and that you would be here.” 

“I’m sorry Kathy, if I had known-”

Kathy raises her hand. “It’s fine. My kids are all I have now. I’m not going to let anything get in the way of my being there for them or their accomplishments. I wasn’t going to approach you, but once I saw you I had to say something.”

“Kathy, please-”

“Will you meet me for lunch?”

“What?”

“I want to talk to you. Will you meet me for lunch?”

“Umm… I don’t think-”

“You owe me this, Olivia.”

“Kathy-”

“You ruined my marriage the least you can do is sit down with me and answer a few questions.”

“Fine,” Olivia sighs.

“Tomorrow good?”

“Tomorrow’s fine.”

“Great. I’ll text you the address. See you then,” with that Kathy turns and walks away to disappear into the crowd.

“Everything Ok?” Elliot asks from behind her.

She turns to face him. “Yea. Where’s Jacob?” she asks when she notices he’s no longer hanging from the sling attached to Elliot’s chest.

“Kathleen has him. She’s about to make her speech, let’s go.”

They walk over to where a crowd gathers. Kathleen stands at the center with Jacob settled easily on her hip. 

“Hi,” Kathleen greets the crowd. “Thank you all for coming to view my final project as a high school senior. The title of my show is ‘The World Through Jacob’s Eyes’ and it features myself along with my dad and siblings. Not too long ago my parents split up and my dad went on to have a child with another woman. That child is Jacob. At first I was determined not to like him, because I saw him as a permanent manifestation of my parents’ broken marriage, but then my sister, being the annoying, pushy older sister she always is, forced me to spend some time with him and I couldn’t help but fall in love with him the way my other siblings did. I mean look at this face how could you not?” The crowd laughs and she leans down and kisses Jacob’s cheek. “He then became the inspiration for my senior project. After spending time with him I realized, he was innocent in all this and I wanted to showcase what he experienced through that innocence and I figured the best way to do that was to incorporate my family. So I want to thank all of you for coming here to see and hopefully understand my vision. I hope it is as meaningful to you as it has been for me. Thank you.”

*

Olivia waits in the café where she and Kathy agreed to meet. She’s ordered a latte that is now nearly halfway gone. She checks her watch, Kathy is now twenty minutes late and she wants to be home in time for Jacob’s bedtime routine. Allyssa has had to put him to bed the past four nights because both she and Elliot have been swamped at work, but today they finally arrested their perp and he should be arraigned in the morning. She gives up, and puts down enough cash to cover her drink and the tip then heads outside where she spots Kathy Stabler.

“Kathy? How long have you been standing here?”

“Twenty minutes?”

“Well, uh, did you want to go inside?” She thumbs back to the café.

“No.”

“No?”

“No, I can’t sit at a table and have this conversation with you.”

“But this was your idea.”

“I know.”

“Do you still want to talk?”

“Yes.”

“Well where do you want to go?”

“My car’s just around the corner.”

“I’m not getting in a car with you.”

“Well, can we just walk?”

“Sure, but I need to go in about 30 minutes.”

“Fine.”

Olivia gestures for Kathy to lead the way and falls in step beside her. “So what do you want to know?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know where to start.”

“Kathy, you’re the one that wanted to have this conversation.”

“I know, but do you think this is easy for me? Talking with my husband’s mistress? I came to you Olivia, and asked you to help me end my marriage and the whole time you were sleeping with my husband. Do you know how stupid I feel?”

“What? Kathy, You wanted to end your marriage. I had nothing to do with that.”

“I asked you to encourage him to sign the papers and two days later, there he was, slipping them into my mailbox.”

“Yes, because he wanted to. I had nothing to do with that. You think I wanted to be that person to him? Believe me Kathy, I wanted no part in your failed marriage. I was focused on trying to repair my partnership with him.”

“And fucking him was your way of doing that?”

“No, Kathy. I was never having an affair with Elliot. Kathy when you asked to meet with me that day I had just gotten back from being undercover. There is no way I could have been sleeping with Elliot, because I was 3000 miles away.”

“So when did it start?”

“When did what start? Elliot and I were never an item. We never had some ongoing affair.”

“So how many times did it happen?”

“Once.”

“Where?”

“My place.”

“How?”

“What do you mean how?”

“How did it happen?”

“We got drunk,” Olivia shrugs. 

“That’s it? You got drunk?”

“Didn’t Elliot tell you all this?”

“Yes, but I thought he was lying. Or did you two meet up and get your story straight?”

“No, Kathy. That’s exactly what happened. The only thing we discussed after was that we would both keep it quiet and pretend it never happened. For your sake. And your children’s.”

“So you two destroyed my family for a drunken fling?”

“We didn’t-”

“I had to tell my children. Kathleen went off the deep end. Dickie almost got expelled, and Lizzie wouldn’t say a word for weeks!!!” Kathy rages.

“I’m sorry, Kathy. I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to break up your family.”

“Bullshit! You’ve wanted him for years!!! Admit it! Admit it!”

“There’s nothing to admit, Kathy. It was all just an accident. We never meant to hurt you or the kids.”

“Well I’m glad you didn’t mean to hurts us. Thanks, that means a lot,” Kathy rolls her eyes. 

“What do you want from me Kathy?”

“What do I want? MY FAMILY WAS DESTROYED!!!”

“I know! But I can’t change the past. I wish…I wish we never hurt anybody.” 

“You wish. My kids were a mess for weeks. The only thing that saved them was…that baby,” she turns to look at Olivia and rolls her eyes before swiping tears from them. “Of course you got pregnant, because there’s nothing more cliché than a cop fucking his partner and knocking her up.”

“It’s not like I got pregnant on purpose.” 

Kathy rolls her eyes. “Course you didn’t.”

“Like you didn’t with Maureen?” Kathy stares at her in shock. “I never wanted any of this, but I’m glad I have my son and you’re not going to put any of this on him.” 

“Why did you help him hide it? Why didn’t you come to me?”

“Because it wasn’t my place. Besides I didn’t want to destroy your family. And it was what Elliot wanted.”

“So you just let him get away with it? Just like that?”

“He wanted you. He wanted to protect your family and… If Elliot didn’t want Jacob, then he didn’t deserve him. I wasn’t going to force him to man up and handle his responsibilities.”

“So, are you two together now?”

“No.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying to you. We’ve been seeing each other, yes. But we’re not together.”

“What does that even mean?

“It means it’s between me and Elliot. What we do behind closed doors is our business.”

“He’s my-”

“Ex-Husband. You don’t get a say in his sex life and you definitely don’t get a say in mine.”

“Have you guys told the kids?”

“I don’t know. I left that up to Elliot.”

Kathy nods. “I-I thought this would be easier,” she admits as tears burn her eyes. “I thought hearing the truth and getting all the answers would somehow help, but it doesn’t,” she says bewildered. “I should go. I need to go.”

“Alright. You good to drive home?”

“Yea, yea I’m good.”

xXx

Elliot paces his living room with a fussy Jacob in his arms. Teething. “I know, I know buddy. I’m sorry that it hurts,” he soothes. “How long does it take for Tylenol to kick in?” A knock on the door pauses his pacing. He heads to the door and checks the peephole before opening the door. “Kathy, what are you doing here? It’s late.”

“I need to talk to you,” she pushes her way in and Elliot can smell the vodka on her as soon as she passes by him.

“Kath, maybe we should do this tomorrow. I know you’ve been drinking.”

“It’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair?”

“That she get’s to have you. She ruined our family and now she gets to have you,” she rambles on nonsensically.

“Who? Who is she?”

“Olivia!” she shrieks and the sheer shrill of her voice scares Jacob and causes him to start crying.

“Shhh,” Elliot soothes as he rubs the baby’s back.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Kathy apologizes. She marches into the kitchen and opens the freezer. He watches as she takes out a few ice cubes and drops them in a cup. “Here,” she pushes the cup into his hand.

“What?”

“He’s teething right?”

“How did you?”

“I could hear him fussing through the door, plus the drool and it’s obvious he has a fever. Four kids remember?”

“Yea, I was there.”

“No, you weren’t.”

“Here sit down,” Elliot leads her to the couch where she sits and he takes a seat beside her. He holds an ice cube to Jacob’s mouth, and he gums on it happily.

“Did you give him some Tylenol.”

“Yea, about twenty minutes ago.”

“It should kick in soon.”

“So what were you talking about?”

“Olivia told me you two are seeing each other.”

Elliot takes a deep breath. This is not a conversation he wants to have with his ex-wife at 11 o’clock at night. “Yea, we have been.”

“She also said you’re not together.”

“We’re not.”

“How does that work?”

He shrugs. “It just does.”

“Have you told the kids?”

“No… we’re not at that point yet. Besides I think it’s too soon. I don’t want to hurt them again.”

She nods. “It’s not fair. She took you from me.”

“No, Kathy she didn’t. I begged you to stay with me remember? You adamantly said no.”

“You cheated on me! With her and got her pregnant. How were we supposed to come back from that?!”

“We could have at least tried.”

“No, we couldn’t. You know, I thought it would be easier by now. At first, I was so angry. All the time. About everything. I was just so angry that I was tired of it and I thought that once I got past the anger I would be ok, but now- now it just hurts,” she cries. “And I keep picking this apart to try and make sense of it so that maybe it will hurt less, and it’s just-it’s just not working,” she looks up at him with tear filled blue eyes.

“Kathy, I’m sorry. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you.”

“It’s not your fault. Well at least not all your fault.”

“But it is. That night I…I wanted it to happen. It was me.”

“I don’t understand you said you were drunk.”

“I was, but,” he sighs. “I had feelings for her… and I acted on them but I never would have if I hadn’t been drunk,” he finishes quickly. “The alcohol… lowered my inhibitions and I did something I swore I would never do.”

“If you had feelings for her then why did you get back together with me?” It dawns on her before he can answer. “Because I got pregnant and asked you to come home.” 

“I’m sorry Kath, I’m so sorry.”

She nods. Her eyes fall to Jacob, who stares at her with sleepy eyes. She uses her knuckle to rub his cheek and he smiles at her. “He’s a beautiful baby.”

“Thank you.”

“I should go.”

“No, not like this. You shouldn’t be driving.”

“I’m not. I’m going to take an Uber back to my car. I should be good to drive by then.”

“You sure? You can always stay here. Or I could drive you home.”

“And what would you do with him?” she nods to the baby in his arms. “Wait, she’s not here is she?”

“No, she got called out on a case about an hour ago. It’s just us.”

“You always watch him when she goes in?”

“If I’m available yea. She’s pretty good about letting me spend as much time with him as I want.”

“You guys really worked this parenting thing out. That’s good. You picking up the twins this weekend?”

“Yea, I’ll be there on Friday.”

“I’ll see you Friday then.” He watches as she stands and walks towards the door. He follows behind her as she pauses and takes one final look at him before opening the door and walking through it. 

He locks the door behind her, but remains standing as he listens to the elevator doors open and close. He sways gently and rocks Jacob as he contemplates the conversation they’ve just had. It’s not long before he feels a pair of arms wrap around him from behind and a set of lips press against the smooth skin of his back.

“Tell me, how much of that did you hear?”

“Enough of it,” Olivia answers. He turns to face her and kisses her softly on the lips. “You ok?”

“Yea, but that was tough.”

“I know. It was hard for me too today. I feel guilty.”

“Me too.”

“You know. That night, It wasn’t just you.”

“What?”

“It wasn’t just you. I was attracted to you. I wanted you and I. Knew better. I should have said no.”

“I’m kinda glad you didn’t,” Elliot admits.

“If you had feelings for me, why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“I was going to. It’s the reason I signed the papers. I wanted to be free before I made my move and I also wanted us to be in a good space, but then things happened with Kathy and I never had the opportunity. I think that night I saw my chance and I took it.”

“I’m kinda glad you did,” she looks down at their son, who is now sleeping. “How’d you get him to settle down?” 

“Kathy suggested ice cubes. Worked like a charm.”

“You always said she was a good mom.”

“She was. Is.”

“Let’s go to bed.”

“Ok,” he follows her down the hallway to his bedroom. “Why did you lie to her about me being here?”

“She just poured her feelings out to me. I didn’t want to add insult to injury,” he says as he tucks Jacob into his crib.

“So what were you going to do if she took you up on your offer to spend the night?” Olivia asks as she makes herself comfortable in his bed.

“Hide you in the closet,” he smirks.

“You’re such an ass.”

“But I’m a cute one,” he kisses her goodnight.

“Night.”

“Night.”


	12. Progress

Chapter 12- Progress

“Dad, can you make Jacob’s bottle?” Liz asks her father with her little brother settled on her hip.

“That time already?”

“Just about.”

“It’s my turn to feed him,” Dickie says as he reaches for the baby.

“Nuh uh, you did it last time."

“But you’ve been hogging him all day.”

“Guys, no fighting over the baby,” Elliot calls over his shoulder.

“Yea,” Kathleen agrees. “Besides, you’re both right, which means I get to feed him.”

Elliot reaches into the fridge for one of the prepared bottles Olivia left and places it in a pot of boiling water to heat on the stove.

“Hey Dad,” Maureen greets as she reaches in the fridge for a bottle of water.

“Hey,” Elliot hugs his oldest. “When did you get here?”

“Couple minutes ago.”

“They still arguing out there?”

“No, neither of them wants to take on Katie. Though it’s a fight I’d like to see,” Maureen smirks.

“Not funny.”

“It’s a little funny. How’ve you been Dad? Since the divorce and everything.”

“I’m good.”

“Good enough to start dating?”

Elliot eyes his daughter skeptically. “Why? Got someone in mind?”

“Yes, Liv!”

“Olivia Liv?”

“Yes.”

“No,” Elliot shakes his head emphatically. “Olivia and I are in a good space. No need to mess with that.”

“Oh c’mon dad. You’re single. She’s single. You have a kid. I don’t see why not.”

“By that logic me and your mom should get back together.”

“I think you have a better chance with Olivia. Plus, I think she may be getting serious with someone.”

“What makes you think that?” Elliot asks as he checks the milk’s temperature and places it back in the water.

“She’s always busy. Almost every time I ask her if it’s a good time to stop by, she’s never home.”

“Well, Maur, we work a lot. You know that.”

“Yea, but I thought Cragen was giving her a break since she had Jacob. I mean you guys can’t always be at work. Someone has to stay with Jake.”

“Someone is. Me.”

“Please dad. You’re just as busy as she is. Unless… Are you seeing someone too?”

Elliot eyes his daughter. If there’s one thing he knows it’s the mischief in his daughter’s blue eyes. He recognized it the first time he saw it when she was two years old with a black Sharpie in her hand and markings all over baby Kathleen’s face. She still had the same smirk too and the fake inflection in her voice wasn’t fooling anybody. 

“You know, don’t you?”

“Know what?” Maureen feigns ignorance. 

“Guess you don’t,” he shrugs and takes the bottle out of the water. 

“Dad!” Maureen gives. “Yes, I know you and Olivia have been seeing each other.”

“How?”

“Dad, you both can’t be busy at the same time. Every night. Not with an eight-month-old.”

“You know, sometimes we are actually at work.”

“Sometimes, but not every time. Why are you guys hiding it?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you guys. You know, after everything happened. I didn’t want it to seem like I was rubbing it in your faces. Plus, we’re happy with how things are. It’s simple and it’s just us. I don’t want anything to change that.”

“But we’re your kids, Dad.”

“I would have told you all eventually. I just wanted to make sure the time was right.”

“Well how about right now?”

“Maur…”

“Dad, waiting isn’t going to change anything. If you’re together, then you’re together and we should know.”

Elliot sighs. This is not going to go well.

xXx

Olivia walks through the door to Elliot’s apartment and follows the alluring aroma to the kitchen. 

“Hi Monkey!” she exclaims when she spots Jacob sitting on the counter in his Bumbo chair. He waves his arms and legs excitedly until he is lifted into his mother’s arms. She kisses Elliot on the cheek, “What smells so good?”

“Stir fry.”

“Mmmm sounds good.”

“Should be ready in about ten minutes.”

“Alright, I’m going to put him to bed then hop in the shower. Say night to Dada,” she says to Jacob. Elliot leans over and kisses Jacob’s head and then her.

“See you in a few,” he calls to her retreating form.

xXx

Olivia steps out the shower and wraps a towel around her before she walks into Elliot’s bedroom to find him sitting on the bed. 

“You waiting for me?” she asks jokingly.

“I told my kids about us.”

“What?”

“Maur figured it out. Apparently, we’re not allowed to both be busy at the same time.”

“How did they take it?”

“Not well, but a lot better than I thought they would.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well they weren’t happy about it, but they didn’t say anything discouraging either. They were just quiet for the rest of the weekend.”

“Oh. Are you ok?”

“Yea. You know this means we’re in a relationship) right?”

“So because you finally got the balls to tell your children about us now all of a sudden we’re in a relationship?”

“Yes,” he says seriously, his eyes unwavering.

She eyes him for a moment. “Ok, then.”

xXx

Olivia eyes the board covered with information from their latest case. “Have we gotten any DNA back?” she asks.

“Lab’s still working on it,” Elliot answers.

“Hey Liv, you got company,” Fin nods towards the double doors and she turns to see who he is referring to.

“Michael,” she says and her voice is a mix of surprise and shock. Elliot whips around quickly and sure enough, much to his dismay, it is the Michael he was hoping it wasn’t.

“Hey,” he smiles and his blue eyes shine from across the room.

Olivia walks over to him and Elliot’s heart sinks when he watches her wrap her arms around him. They hug for a moment, then step out of the squad room. 

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Fin says, but his words do nothing to calm Elliot’s nerves.

A few minutes later Olivia returns to the group and she avoids all contact with Elliot. Cragen makes a plan and sets each pair of partners on different tasks. It’s not until they break apart to go their separate ways that Olivia finally makes eye contact with him.

“Michael asked me out to dinner. Do you think you can keep Jacob tonight?”

Elliot’s heart sinks even further. Those are not the words he was hoping to hear. “Yea, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Thanks.”

xXx

“You look gorgeous,” Michael says as he stands to greet Olivia as she approaches their table.

She wears a midnight blue strapless dress and accentuates it with silver jewelry and heels. The sparkly silver bracelet shimmers in the romantic lighting as she walks towards him. “Thank you,” she says.

“I went ahead and ordered some wine. Is that ok?”

“Yea, I’ll pump and dump later.” He nods and stares at her. Olivia looks up from her menu and catches his eye. “What?”

“Nothing, it’s just…I forgot how beautiful you are.”

Olivia tempers down the blush that rushes up her neck. “Thank you. How’s Baltimore?”

“Great. I only know how to get from my condo to the hospital and the grocery store and that’s about it. I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance to explore.”

“Oh, I’m sure you will eventually.”

“I’ve missed you though. I think about you and Jacob every day.” 

“Michael…”

“Come back with me.”

“Michael…Elliot and…I are together now,” she says slowly.

“What? When? How? I thought you hated each other.”

“We never hated each other. It started about a month after you left. Very casual at first, and it kind of blossomed into something more. We’ve been taking it slow and kind of going along with what feels best. We just made it official a couple weeks ago.”

“Wow. So you mean to tell me two weeks ago I still had a chance?”

“No…I love him and we’re happy together.”

Michael sighs and leans back in his chair. “I shouldn’t have left,” he says as he blinks away tears.

“No, Michael, you had to. If you had stayed you would always wonder what if. An opportunity like that only comes around so often; you had to take it.”

“But you mean more to me than any job. I should have-I should have tried harder to make it work.”

“Michael, you did nothing wrong. You did what was best for all of us in that moment.”

“No, I didn’t. I’ve been miserable since I left.”

“You’ve been miserable because you haven’t allowed yourself to move on.”

“Did you love me? Like at all?”

“Michael. You know I loved you.”

“Would you have married me?”

It’s Olivia’s turn to blink away tears. “Michael, no answer I give you will make this any easier.”

“Tell me.”

“Yes,” she answers honestly. “But we weren’t meant to be.”

“We’ll never know now, will we?”

“I can’t-I should go,” she says and begins to stand.

“Wait! No!” He grabs her hand. “Stay. I still want to catch up.”

“Michael, this conversation’s too hard.”

“Then we’ll talk about something else. Plus I hear the food here is great. So we’ll sit, and drink, and eat and dance and then at the end of the night we’ll go our separate ways.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

She sits and uses her napkin to dab at her eyes. “Is my mascara running?”

“No, you’re fine. Just as beautiful as ever.” She smiles wanly. “So tell me about Jacob. How’s he been?”

“Great.”

xXx

Olivia opens the door to her apartment and tosses her keys on the counter before kicking off her shoes. Her coat follows. She heads down the hall to her bedroom and stops at the nursery to kiss Jacob goodnight. She’s surprised to find the room empty, along with hers as well. She walks back out and puts her coat back on and slips her feet back into her heels. She grabs her keys before head out the door and down the two blocks to Elliot’s apartment. She lets herself in and once again kicks off her heels and takes off her coat. She tosses her keys onto the kitchen counter then heads down the hall to Elliot’s room. Jacob is fast asleep in his crib against the wall and she kisses him goodnight before climbing into bed beside Elliot. He rolls over to face her and she kisses him on the lips. “I thought we were staying at my place tonight?”

“I wanted give you your space tonight.”

“You really thought that I was going to sleep with him?”

“I didn’t want to assume anything. Just wanted to keep your options open.”

“You’re my only option.”

He kisses her then, tasting the wine that lingers on her lips. “How was dinner?” he asks when they pull away. His hand slides up the side of her body and between the slit of her dress to caress the smooth skin that lurks beneath its fibers.

“It was tough. We talked about a lot. I told him about us and about Jacob.”

“How’d he take it?”

“I broke his heart, and I hated every minute of it, but he took it well.”

“Was he upset?”

“Yea, with himself though. Not with me or you. I guess he saw us as inevitable once he left.”

“We are inevitable,” he says as he pulls the down the zipper of her dress. He pushes down the satin material and unhooks her half bra before taking a beaded nipple into his mouth.

Olivia hisses. “Yea, but it was still hard for him to hear.”

“What else?”

“We ate. I had chicken Marsala and he had the Salmon. We drank wine. We danced a little bit and at the end of the night we hugged and he kissed me goodbye.” 

“Where?” Elliot pauses.

Olivia smiles with mirth in her eyes, “Why does it matter?”

“Because I want to know.”

“No.”

“Tell me.”

“No.”

“Tell me.”

“No.”

He tickles her causing her to laugh out loud. “Tell me,” he grins.

“No,” she laughs. “You’re going to wake up Jacob.”

“No, you’re going to wake up Jacob. And you’re going to have to put him back to bed, too. Because he’s going to want nothing to do with me once he knows you’re here.”

“You jealous he’s a momma’s boy?”

“So jealous,” he dead pans. “Tell me,” he demands and tickles her harder.

“Fine!” she concedes and he pauses his ministrations. “He kissed me right…Here...” she leans up kisses his cheek. “Or was it here,” she kisses the corner of his mouth. “Or here,” his neck. “Or here,” his collar bone. “Here,” she kisses him squarely on the lips and deepens it by sliding her tongue inside his mouth.

He kisses her back with equal fervor while he pushes her dress down and tosses it to the side. He then settles into the cradle of her hips. He thrusts into her, causing her to moan out loud. “Shhhh,” he croons and slides a finger between her wet folds. She arches against his hand and bites her lip to keep from crying out. The sight of her is intoxicating and he kisses her bruised lips as he lowers his boxers low enough to free himself. He pushes her thong to the side and enters her with ease. He swallows her moans of pleasure as moves inside her. He fills her with firm, powerful strokes, his body unrelenting as he drives into her over and over again. She digs her fingers into his back. Sweat beads on his forehead and he attaches his lips to the column of her neck as he slides a hand down between their bodies and touches her sensitive nub. 

“Elliot,” she whimpers and he can tell from the sound of her voice that she’s close. “I’m gonna come,” she pants.

“Come,” he commands and continues to rub her clit. She comes seconds later and her mouth finds his neck where she cries out her release. He buries his face in the pillow beneath her head and white knuckles the sheets as he waits for her body to calm, but it’s of no use. The feel of her. The warmth and the wetness of her pulsing around him forces him to release inside her. When he feels her relax he withdraws from her and motions for to turn over. She does as he asks and he enters her from behind. She cranes her head around to meet his kiss and holds him to her. She lets go when he begins to move harder, causing his body to slap against hers. He shows no restraint as his body slams into hers. She fists the sheets as he pushes into her from behind, giving her a new appreciation for his size. He moves faster as he feels the tension begin build in his balls, his thrusts unrelenting as he fucks into her with firm, powerful strokes. He lays his body on top of hers and thrusts even harder. She’ll be sore in the morning, but she doesn’t care. She moans and enjoys the feel of him deep inside her.

“God, you’re so wet,” he pants into her ear. “So wet.”

He kisses her neck and he hears when her breath hitches. Feels when she squeezes him tighter. He slides a hand down her body and finds her clitoris once again and rubs his fingers over it as he begins to empty himself inside of her. His other hand covers hers and they link fingers as they white knuckle the edge of the mattress together. The feel of him in the midst of orgasm. The way his abs tighten and his muscles clench. The warmth of his body and his heated breath on her neck, along with the way his callused fingers slide over her bundle of nerves, causes her to come. Hard. He groans when he feels her grip him causing him to push even deeper inside of her. She cries out as well and he covers her mouth as his hips continue to arch into her. Both freeze when they hear rustling come from the crib. Neither dares to look in the direction of their son. He settles on his own and soon his soft snores can be heard along with his parents’ soft laughter. Elliot rolls off of her and tries to catch his breath.

“From now on we’re having sex at my place,” Olivia announces as she pants against the pillow.

Elliot smiles. “He barely even budged.”

“He’s going to wake up one night and we’re going to scar our child for life.”

“He’s not even going to know what’s going on.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Four kids, Liv.”

“Whatever.”

He turns to her and pulls her into his arms. She curls her body around him, arching her leg over his and holding him close as they lay chest to chest. He watches her as she drifts off to sleep. He listens as her breath evens out and feels her heart slow to beat in sync with his own. Being with her is even better than he had ever imagined. There’s a comfortability and a peace that he’s found with her. He can be himself in a way that he couldn’t be with Kathy. Sure, after years of marriage they had come to know each other inside and out, but Kathy knew him as the boy. The 18-year-old thrusted into marriage and fatherhood before he even had a chance to figure out who he was as a man. There was pressure to be a good husband and father before he knew what either of them was, and Kathy had been by his side while he figured it out and loved him through it all and he had done the same for her. He watched her become the woman that would be his wife and the woman he would always know and love as the mother of his children. She stood by his side through his stint with the Marines and the awkwardness when he returned from Dessert Storm and tried to adjust to a life outside of the military. Through four kids and the tests of time she was with him and she loved him and she fought with him and fought for him until it was just hard. Every day was harder than the last and it wasn’t that either of them was wrong. They were just different people. They were fighting for a marriage for the sake of staying in a marriage. She had been the stronger one. Strong enough to call it quits and end an era of love and friendship and parenthood and everything in between. He had called her weak then for saying enough when he couldn’t. When he couldn’t summon the strength to do what they both needed. It hurt, and he hated her for it, but he eventually learned to live without her, and when he was finally ok, there she was, ready to try again, and baby or no baby he would have stayed and stuck by her side and loved her until she said enough. But then there was Olivia.

Olivia

She had entered his life like a breath of fresh air. She was smart and pretty and had a personality that matched with his own. She was his equal in every way and, unlike Kathy, she only knew him as the man. She knew him for him, and just like that, they clicked. She was his partner and he was hers. She knew him as his worst and she stood by his side and fought for him while he did everything in his power to push her away until finally, she, too, said enough. He had called her weak then, too, but only because he didn’t know how to apologize. He didn’t know how to admit to her that he wasn’t as strong as she once thought he was. He didn’t know how to admit that he was hurting and he was sorry and needed her and before he had the chance, she’d been gone in the blink of an eye. He hated her for not saying goodbye or giving him the chance to apologize and admit his faults, but just as easy as she had disappeared, she had returned and just like that she was his partner again. By his side and ready to fight crime like nothing had happened. She had returned to him and as the days went by he saw her then as more than his partner and best friend. He saw her as a woman. Suddenly he was aware of the curves of her body. How her butt looked bigger in the black slacks from Calvin Kline and how good she looked in red. All of a sudden he noticed when she changed her shampoo and how the Chanel perfume lasted longer than the Marc Jacobs. He wanted her in every way, but he was insecure. This was new to him. Suddenly he was vulnerable. Afraid of her rejection, and lost his chance with her as he took the time to build his courage. Or so he thought. That night at the bar he was even more aware of her as a woman. That night his eyes had traced every curve of her body and the scent of her had been intoxicating to his senses. There was something different in her that night. He had sensed it and it made him want her more than he had ever wanted her before and, more importantly, he had sensed that she had wanted him back. So he took a chance and he hadn’t been disappointed.

Now she lays here before him with her naked form secured around his own. Now he knows new things about her. Things he could only know as her lover. Like how she likes to hog the covers. He knows her hair isn’t naturally straight or curly, but wavy, and he loves it, especially now that her hair is longer. He knows she is ticklish only on her ribs and behind her knees. He knows she likes sex rough, but is insecure about it. Even though he reminds her that it’s not wrong to like rough sex. He likes it as well and he saves her the awkwardness of having to ask for it by doing it on his own. He knows she hates milk except for in her cereal, but she drinks an extra glass because she knows it’s good for Jacob. He knows her favorite cereal is Captain Crunch. He knows she loves strawberry ice cream. He knows MTV is her guilty pleasure. He knows that it it’s not her shampoo that makes her hair smell so good, but her conditioner. 

It is tantalizing his senses now. He slides his fingers through her hair, brushing the damp strands away from her forehead. He likes to play with her hair while she sleeps. It’s curled and tangled from their love making. She would blame him for it in the morning. The thought of it makes him smile. She made him happy in a way he had never been before. He leans down and kisses her forehead.

“I love you,” he whispers to her sleeping form.

“Love you too,” she mumbles back and he freezes. 

He pulls away and sure enough she’s still sleeping. “Yea?” he questions.

She grins. “Yea.” He rolls them to the edge of the bed and stands with her still cinched around his body. “Elliot!” she exclaims as he walks towards the door. “Where are you going?”

“The living room. No way this round is gonna be quiet.” 

Her laughter could be heard echoing down the hall.


	13. One Year

Chapter 13-One Year

“So that’s nine including your kids. Anyone else you want to invite?” Olivia asks as she goes over the guest list for their son’s first birthday party. Elliot lays beside her with Jacob hoisted in the air above him, laughing infectiously. Olivia can’t but smile at their antics. It amazes her at how quick they were able to establish a bond despite their initial time apart. She guesses there is really something to be said about blood. “Elliot,” she calls again. 

He lowers Jacob into the space between them and sits up. “Let me see?” he asks and she passes him her laptop. “Looks good to me.”

“I was thinking of inviting a couple of kids from the park.”

“Why? We don’t know those people.”

“But he does. They’re his friends. He plays with them almost everyday when Michelle brings him to the park.”

“If you want,” he shrugs. 

“Mama,” Jacob says and reaches for Olivia. She pulls him into her lap and hands him his blanket and pacifier. It is almost noon and past his usual naptime. They’ve spent a lazy Sunday morning in bed with cereal and toys and laughter as they work out the final details for Jacob’s party.

Elliot watches her and it still amazes him how natural she is with him. “You’re an amazing mother.”

“Thank you.”

“No really. I always thought you’d make a great mom, but you’ve far exceeded anything I thought you would be.”

“Thanks.”

“Did I ever tell you I always wanted you to be the mother of my child.”

“Really Stabler. You saying you knocked me up on purpose?”

“No, but I always knew you’d make a great mom and I always wanted to be apart of that somehow.”

“Well you got your wish.”

“I did. Liv,” he calls.

Olivia looks up from their son who’s eyes have already begun to droop as she rocks him gently. “Why did you let me me in so easily? With Jacob I mean.”

“I thought you knew me well enough to know the answer to that question.”

“I know you had issues growing up without a dad, but I don’t know. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much I missed and when I finally decided to get my head out of my ass and step up to my responsibilities you didn’t fight me on anything. You didn’t keep him away from me. You didn’t limit my time with him. Why?”

“Why does it matter? I mean should I not have?”

“I’m not complaining or anything, just wondering.”

“Because you’re his father. Don’t get me wrong Elliot, my first instinct was to punish you by making you fight me tooth and nail to see him, but Michael reminded me that no judge would ever say no to you. And in the end we’d both end up losing a bunch of money fighting a losing battle in court just so I could be spiteful? It didn’t make any sense. Still, I thought about it. A lot. And I remembered how much I wanted you to be a part of his life in the beginning and how much it hurt me that you chose not to. And there you were finally offering everything I wanted. It didn’t make sense to keep him from you. Plus I knew that I would be doing Jacob a disservice. I love him. He’s shown me a love that I never knew existed and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him. I would lay down my life for him any day any time. He deserves everything and anything and it’s my job to give it to him. Despite every negative trait you may have, you’re an amazing father and Jacob deserved that. He deserved to have a father like you.”

“He’s an amazing kid, Liv.”

“I know,” she smiles. “I wanted him to have a relationship with you and I wanted him to have that bond that you share with your other kids. That meant he had to spend time with you.”

“Thank you, for being so forgiving and so open to letting me be a part of his life.”

“It was a no brainer. I know what it’s like to grow up without a father and I always promised myself that I would never do that to my child and when you showed me how serious you were about being a father to him, how could I say no?”

“You could of. Not a lot of women in your position would have been so open to me being as involved as you allowed me to be. You never said no to me taking him for a night or a few days. That had to be hard. Being apart from him like that.”

“It was, but I knew it was the right thing for Jacob. When I was sick, you being there for me like that and stepping up the way you did made me realize how amazing you are. The things you said to me then also made me realize we’re family whether either of us like it or not and because of Jacob we always will be.”

“I love you, you know that.”

“I do and I love you too.”

“No, beyond Jacob. You. I love you. You’re an amazing woman.”

“Thank you. Where’s this coming from?”

“Just…As his birthday gets closer I just keep thinking about what an ass I was and how much I missed. I mean I left you to go through all of that alone. The pregnancy, after... All that time he spent in the NICU. I should have been there with you.”

“I’m not going to lie, it was hard for me to forgive you for that. Some days I still don’t.”

“But you’ve never held it against me. And I don’t know why. I feel guilty. All the time, and your kindness. Your openness to letting me in, just makes me feel guiltier.”

“Don’t. You’re here now. You’re apart of his life now and that’s all that matters. Now. We can’t change what happened in the past we can only move forward. So let’s just keep moving forward.”

He holds out a hand to her. “Will you keep moving forward with me?”

She links her fingers with his. “Try and stop me.”

***

“Happy Birthday to you…” The crowd sings.

Olivia holds Jacob on her hip as she sings to him and with a smile on her face. A year ago she wasn’t even sure if he would live. Now here he was in her arms happy and healthy and loved. On the other side of him Elliot stands singing along with a smile on his face. All of them in matching red Elmo shirts. The crowd consists of the squad and Elliot’s children along with Casey and Melinda. They look on happily as they continue to sing. Finally they reach the part where they’re supposed to blow out the candles and Elliot and Olivia lean over with Jacob between them and blow out the number 1 candle that sits on top of Jacob’s Elmo shaped cake. The crowd cheers and claps once the candle had been blown out and Jacob smiles and claps with them, unaware that the celebration is for him.

“Smile!” Maureen exclaims and Elliot and Olivia stare straight ahead with genuine smiles on their faces as Maureen snaps a few photos with her phone.

“We good?” Elliot says through clenched teeth when the photo shoot seems to take longer than it should.

“Yes. I got some great shots. You’re going to love these, Liv.”

“Send them to me?” Olivia requests.

“Way ahead of you,” Maureen replies.

“Alright who wants cake?” Elliot asks and a chorus of Me’s come from around the room.

“Wait, I need pictures of you guys cutting the cake.”

“C’mon Maureen,” Elliot groans.

“Nope, I’ve taken over Jacob’s baby book since Olivia keeps forgetting to print pictures off her phone and we need a cake cutting photo.”

“Better do what she says,” Olivia chuckles. 

“Fine.” Elliot concedes. He stands with Olivia and poses for the obligatory cake cutting photo. “There, we done now?”

“Yes,” Maureen smiles cheekily. “Carry on.”

Elliot goes to work cutting the cake and putting pieces on Elmo themed plates. 

“I have some ice cream in the freezer,” Olivia announces. “Fin, Can you hold him?” 

“Pass the rug rat over here,” he reaches for him and Olivia hands the baby off willingly. She grabs the ice cream and the scooper and she and Elliot go to work sharing cake and ice cream to their guests. The party continues on with presents and Maureen continues to take pictures as Jacob plays with the wrapping paper that once covered his new gifts. He plays with his siblings and attempts to eat his weight in cake ice cream. He’s passed from person to person and Maureen makes a point to get a picture of him with everyone while Elliot and Olivia look on happily.

He slides his hand to settles on her waist and kisses the top of her head. Olivia loses herself in the moment and leans into him. Until she catches Lizzie staring at them and she immediately straightens. “Not now,” Olivia says as she removes Elliot’s hand from her waist. She ignores the disappointed look on Elliot’s face and walks back into the kitchen and busies herself with random dishes. 

“Need some help?” Maureen asks.

“Huh? No I got it. Go back to the party.”

“You know you’re not wrong. It’s ok for you and Dad to show a little PDA here and there.”

“Not when your brother and sisters are around.”

“They’re gonna have to get used to it at some point. Might as well start now.”

“I don’t want to hurt them. I already broke up their parents’ marriage. The least I can do is try not to rub it in their faces.”

“You’re not rubbing it in their faces. Look, you guys did a bad thing, but we’re family now. It’s time that we all get past it. You deserve to be happy and believe me they will be ok. Well, maybe not Kathleen, but you gotta take Kathleen with a shot of vodka. I do.” Olivia laughs. “Go, stand with dad and enjoy your son’s party. He’s only going to have one first birthday party and you don’t want to miss anything because you were doing dishes while trying to avoid my brother and sisters.” 

“Alright. Thanks, Maureen,” Olivia says and hugs the her quickly before going to stand beside Elliot. Slowly she slides an arm around him and he grins when he pulls her closer.

***

Elliot walks around with a trash bag in hand as he picks up the remnants of their son’s first birthday party. Olivia places Jacob in his crib and uses a wipee to remove the remaining traces of red frosting from his face and fingers. He barely stirs. She pulls the door closed half way then goes to join Elliot in the living room. She collapses on the couch, exhausted from the day. Elliot collapses beside her, exhausted as well. 

“Long day,” he sighs.

“Please, you barely did anything.”

“What are you talking about? I hung the banner… and helped with Jacob… aaaannndddd… did I mention the banner?”

“Yea, and I had to redo it because it was crooked and set up everything else. Thank God Maureen came early to help out.”

“You act like I was totally useless.”

“That’s because you were.” He pokes her in the rib and she laughs. “I’m glad you were here.”

“I’m glad too. A year ago I didn’t think I would be.”

“I didn’t either. That reminds me, can you hand me that manila envelope on the bookshelf?”

He stands and grabs the envelope then hands it to her. “What is it?” he asks.

“Open it,” she instructs. He sits down beside her and opens and pulls a paper from the envelope. It reads:

Certificate of Birth  
Jacob Issac Idris Stabler

Mother: Olivia Marie Benson  
Father: Elliot Robert Stabler

“Really?”

“Yea, you’re his father Elliot. You deserve to be on his birth certificate and he deserves to have your name.”

“Thank you. Idris, huh. You’re really keeping that name.”

“I’m really keeping that name. I like it. That paper is bullshit by the way, just a symbolic gesture, but I figure we can fill out the paperwork and file it together on Monday.”

“Yea, I’d like that. I’m keeping this by the way. I’m going to frame it and put it on my wall.”

“Please don’t.”

“I’m gonna. But, something’s not right…”

“I’m keeping Idris on there. I don’t care what you say.”

“No, your name.”

“What about my name.”

“It should be Stabler.”

“What?”

He locks eyes with her and looks at her seriously. “It should be Stabler.”

She shakes her head. “No, Elliot. Things are fine as they are. Marriage is going to change things. It’s going to change us.”

He grabs her by the leg and pulls her into his lap. “I love you, Olivia. Nothing is going to change that. And I want you to be my wife.”

“Elliot,” her eyes fill with tears. “We can’t.”

“We can.”

“What about work? What about your kids.”

“We can rock, paper, scissors on who has to transfer out.”

She laughs and swipes away her tears. “You’re so stupid.”

“Stupid in love.”

“You did not just say that,” she laughs as she swipes away her tears. 

“I did.”

“SVU is my life.”

“I guess I can transfer out. Finish up my twenty and retire.”

“Retire? Why would you retire?”

“Liv, with a jacket like mine? They’re never going to promote me. I can retire with full benefits and get into something else. I hear bounty hunting pays well.” She laughs again. “Or maybe I can start a business or something. I always wanted to own a bar. Or maybe be a PI.”

“A bar. Who’s gonna watch Jake at night when I have to go to crime scene and last call isn’t until 2?”

“Ok, maybe PI would be more fitting. I don’t know. We’ll figure it out.”

“What about your kids? They don’t like me, Elliot.”

“They loved you once, they will love you again.”

“I don’t want to hurt them,” she shakes her head. 

“My kids are stronger than you think. Besides, they love Jacob. You’re his mother. They have to love you too. It’s science.”

“Science? You’re full of shit Stabler.”

“Yea, but you love me.”

“I do. I do love you.”

“Then say you’ll marry me. We’ll do it on Monday and change your name at the same time we change Jacob’s.”

“You don’t want your kids to be there?”

“I do, but they’re not ready for that. They’re not there yet and I don’t want to wait. We’ll tell them when they are and have a real ceremony and everything when the time is right. In the meantime it can just be us. No one else will have to know.”

She sighs. “Ok.”

“Yea?”

“Yea.” 

He smiles then and pulls her into a deep and meaningful kiss. “I can’t wait to be able to officially call you Mrs. Stabler.”

“Mrs. Stabler, I think I kinda like the sound of that.”

“You better, because I’m not going to have it any other way.”

“There’s something else in there I thought you’d like too,” she nods towards the envelope.

Elliot reaches into the envelope and pulls out a sonogram. “Is this Jacob?” he asks. He admires the black and white image. He can tell it’s an early sonogram since the baby’s features are not yet visible. He looks at the date to try and make out just how far along she was, and freezes when he recognizes it as being from the week prior. 

“You’re not.”

“I am.”

“How?”

“Well remember that time I told you I missed a pill and you said one pill wasn’t going to do anything. Then swore you would pull out, but didn’t? Well…”

“Wow.”

“Yea, you and your super sperm Stabler.”

“Super sperm,” he grins. “I like the sound of that.”

“I bet you do.”

“So how far along are you exactly.”

“Twelve weeks.”

“Twelve weeks?! Why did you wait so long to tell me?”

“Well, when I first realized I was pregnant it was still really early, and I was scared. I thought I was going to miscarry. And I’m still scared. Elliot, anything can happen.”

“Nothing is going to happen.”

“Seriously, Elliot. What if it happens again? I don’t think I can go through all of that again.”

“It’s not going to happen, and if it does this time I’m going to be with you. Every step of the way.”

“You promise?”

“I promise. He slides her off his lap and stands. “C’mon,” he says and reaches his hand out to her.

She takes it and he pulls her to stand before leading her down the hall to her bedroom, but surprises her when he closes the door and pins her against it. “What are you doing?” she laughs.

“Making sure it’s a boy.”

“You know that’s bullshit right? The sex has already been determined.”

“Still fun.”

She laughs into his kiss. “You’re full of shit Stabler. Besides. I want a girl.”

“I already have 3 girls, Liv.”

“And I have none. I already had the amnio done at my last appointment. So we’ll know when it’s a boy or a girl in a few days.”

“You had an amnio done and didn’t tell me.”

“You would have tried to talk me out of it, and I want to know if something is wrong with this baby.”

“No more baby stuff without me. Ok?”

“Ok.”

“Pinky swear,” he says and holds out his pinky to her.

She hooks her pinky into his. “Pinky swear.”

“Great. Now, where were we?”

“Sex,” she answers and slides her hand into the front of his jeans.

“I see the hormones are kicking in. This is going to be fun.” He presses her back against the door and covers her mouth with his. “Can we name the baby Elliot Jr.?” He asks. Her face says it all. “Ok, we’ll work on the names.”

“I like Jasmine for girl.”

“Jasmin’s nice,” his says before pulling his red Elmo shirt over his head. “Still think Elliot’s better.”

“In your dreams Stabler.” She moans when his lips fall to her neck. She pulls off her matching shirt as well and smiles. “I love you.”

He smiles back. “I love you too.”

Fin.

So I noticed the other day that we passed the 100 mark on the reviews and I didn’t get a chance to do my usual double chapter posting celebration gift that I usually do soooooooo. To make up for it, I decided to do something special. You’ll know it when you see it. ;D

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


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